(no subject)

[erastes]

Gacked this off the Erotica Reader and Writers' email group. Many thanks to Arthur Peter, a man after my own heart. *dies giggling*

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Some helpful rules for better writing:

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

7. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

8. Be more or less specific.

9. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

10. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

11. No sentence fragments.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly
superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Don't use no double negatives.

16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

18. The passive voice is to be ignored.

19. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

20. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

21. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell
me what you know."

22. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole;
not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

Comments

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

That wins at life.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

NO! Your icon does!!!!

[xrated13.livejournal.com]

Wow, that sure is useful. :)

[erastes.livejournal.com]

:)

I've broken them all, I think...

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

They're funny; great way to get the message over :-)

And I do so many of them :;is guilty::

[erastes.livejournal.com]

omg me too!

Hah! Stolen!

[vashtan.livejournal.com]

I'm stealing this. Thanks for sharing...

Re: Hah! Stolen!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

You are welcome!

[ter369.livejournal.com]

I needed the laugh. I cleared out old files this week from critiques and workshops, where participants say all the usual stuff about mechanics and style without discussing what the writing is doing, or is trying to convey. I have a checklist of those response cliches, but it's not this snicker-worthy.

Thanks!

List?

[vashtan.livejournal.com]

You have a list? Would you share? (I'm collecting stuff onm creative writing... all over the place, really)

[haydenthorne.livejournal.com]

The best grammar advice I received went something like "if you break a rule, be sure to understand first what this rule means." :) I break a number of rules in my writing, mostly for effect (fragments, especially, are very effective in creating emphasis).

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I agree, I use fragments too.

But it did make me laugh!

if you see a rule, break it

[dastier.livejournal.com]

i first saw this list in the 'Headway' textbook of English and have been determined to break each and every rule since then. especially the split infinitive. there's nothing more tasty than to skilfully dissect split the infinitive when you're not supposed to >:)

Re: if you see a rule, break it

[erastes.livejournal.com]

oh i agree! specially when you get away with it!

[darklocket.livejournal.com]

That's quite brilliant, really. It's always better to show than tell! I'm editing a story at the moment, and I think I'll write these on the back of my hand in red ink so I don't forget.

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

Wonderful! Brilliant! This was incredibly funny!

*smooches*