The Broccoli Test

[erastes]

This is a new one on me, but evidently it's a test of communication - how in tune with each other you are. gehayi pointed it out to me today from gwyn_r's LJ HERE And foreverdirt continued it with a few expositions here ( I LOVED the Yes, Minister one)

So - not being one to see a band wagon go by full of tight trousered brass players, gehayi and I created these.  Her text is italicised

Lucius/Severus Severus would take so long explaining what a "supermarket" is in the first place and stopping Lucius from killing every single unwashed Muggle he saw that he would simply lose his temper and Accio his own damned broccoli.

Mulder/Scully Scully would insist on the most scientifically grown broccoli, and Mulder would see the influence of supernatural and alien broccoli everywhere, and would be reluctant to go NEAR broccoli, and would always be telling Scully that the truth was out there. Especially about Broccoli.

And she would say that she just wanted some damned everyday broccoli, and why did everything have to be an issue about some ultimate truth about broccoli?

"Sometimes, Mulder, it's just ... VEGETABLES - you know?"

Albus/Harry. Albus would refer mysteriously to what ingredient was needed to complete the salmon en croute, but it would be mainly in riddles and folk lore about other people's salmon en croute and vague references to the usefulness of vitamins. Harry will bump into Voldemort four times in the supermarket, until Hermione and Ron find the vegetable stand and the broccoli for him.

Meanwhile, Harry will spend all the time that he could have spent finding the damn broccoli on wondering if Albus really and truly loves him and genuinely WANTS him to find the Sekrit Unnamed and Unlocated Vegetable.

Aragon/Arwen– Aragon will know what Arwen means but will worry that broccoli is a bit above him, like aspargus, and shouldn't they really be having something a little less ambitious, like spinach?

And Lord Elrond will not think much of a mere mortal deigning to aspire to broccoli, especially not his daughter's broccoli

It will take the words of Faramir and Boromir to convince him that he's manly enough to have broccoli anytime he likes. In quiche if necessary. AND anyway - she can get MUCH better broccoli in the undying lands

None of this inferior mortal broccoli that just doesn't last.

Angel/Buffy Buffy wants to go to the store to get her own damned broccoli worried that she might end up getting something dangerous - like Blowfish - because she's blond after all - and a GIRL. He trails after her around the supermarket, but whenever Buffy asks him what it is he wants, he's not able to put it into words and all the meaningful looks in the world don't explain it

Also, he doesn't tell her that if they buy broccoli together and he is perfectly happy doing so, he'll lose his soul and try to destroy the world. And so they buy broccoli, and he is, and he does, and he tries to. And then she sends him to Hell. Talk about your messy break-ups.

ALL BECAUSE OF BROCCOLI. And then, of course, it gets worse, because he comes back, and they still want to buy broccoli, but they don't dare, and finally he leaves for L.A. so that she can form a more nutritious relationship with someone who isn't allergic to broccoli.

Pooh/Piglet/Tigger: Tigger says that broccoli is what Tiggers love best but he doesn't remember what it looks like or where it can be found. Pooh says he knows exactly where it can be found and that Heffalumps eat it at night. Tigger says he'll bounce the Heffalumps and Piglet doesn't want to know about that.

They spend the day walking around the vegetable stand but none of them are tall enough to see what they are looking for. Christopher Robin buys the broccoli in the end and they all have some for tea which they all enjoy except Tigger.

So come on - give me your best shots!!!

Comments

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

The Angel/Buffy one made me laugh most. It's so dead on. :D