Submissions call FAIL

[erastes]

Gulf Coast Writers Association (GCWA) seeks submissions for a second print anthology of short fiction. We will accept most genres, except pornography, erotica, graphic violence/horror, excessive profanity, or anything racial or biased toward any religious or moral preference.

So ... I think that excludes just about everything.  No races - not even Caucasians.  No morals of any kind. I think possibly stories of animals are allowed? 

Comments

[anderyn.livejournal.com]

Heh. I think as long as the animals act naturally, you're golden. Maybe. No slant of human morality, or you're toast, though.

Man, those guidelines suck pond rocks.

[angelabenedetti.livejournal.com]

One can sort of squint and make a guess as to what they're getting at, if one cares to, but it's very badly worded. Which doesn't lead one to have much faith in these people as, like, publishing professionals. [wry smile]

Angie

[cbpotts.livejournal.com]

Huzzah! At long last, a place for my Happy Bunnies Being Happy masterpiece!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

*guffaws*

Only as long as the bunnies do it behind closed burrows.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

No- Watership Down would be RIGHT out...

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Yes - it really does yell -"get someone else to read your guidelines"

[schmoo999.livejournal.com]

So a story based on my cat "playing" with a slow moving wounded chipmunk that I saw this morning is out..or the feast of squirrel my cats had Sunday..

I guess a story of a cat sleeping on a stool?

[megleigh.livejournal.com]

drat, the donkey in my animal story is a Jewish erotic horror writer with a penchant for cursing and kinky she-donkeys. Guess my animal story is out, too?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Well, it could be argued that your cat has no moral compass, so that might be OK, as long as both your cat and the chipmunk were not referred to in basis of their colour.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Yes, Satan, that's simply NOT allowed!

*LOL*

[megleigh.livejournal.com]

heee! (haw)

Yes, I am running on very little sleep. Does it show?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Yes- what on earth are you doing up?

[megleigh.livejournal.com]

Currently designing post cards, and plotting the demise of my neighbour's stupid dog that has barked non-stop since about 6pm this evening. It is now 11:56pm and the dog is really starting to try my patience. Given that my bedroom is right on the side of the house where the mutt is chained up, going to bed would be a dead loss atm.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

ah - it's not as late as I thought - I always think Oz must be 12 hours ahead, but it's not as bad as that, it's 9 hours.

[ggymeta.wordpress.com (from livejournal.com)]

the donkey in my animal story is a Jewish erotic horror writer with a penchant for cursing and kinky she-donkeys.

I'M IN UR NEXT BOOK?! I'm so honored, I mean that, sincerely. 0_0

[mylodon.livejournal.com]

The cat sat on the mat.

My submission.

Thank you.

SRSLY - can you think of any classic books that would pass this test? Sorry Mr/s Tolkein/Lewis/Austen/Dickens, not good enough...

[megleigh.livejournal.com]

LMAO! You're welcome.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I think that would just pass!

:)

[m-barnette.livejournal.com]

How about a story about a wobbly chair that no one sits in....

No wait, sitting on it could allude to sexual activity so that's out.

[angrboda]

Yeah... But you'd still have to be careful with animals too, though, because they can't hunt or be hunted (violence, killing, horror) so it can't be wild animals, and it can't be domestic animals because they come in breeds (race) and have to be treated properly and respectfully (religion, morals). Can't even be a mix of breeds and how that's still a good animal (race, morals). Can't be domesticated wild animals or strays (possible violence, ethics, morals). Can't have cubs (porn).

So with animals, you've only still covered the profanity. Except if you write about donkeys.

[angrboda]

Stool! Oh no, that wouldn't do. That word brings associations of poop.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Yes - can't have that!! *covers eyes*

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I love my flist.

:)

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Is it wrong that that was my first thought too?

:)

[angrboda]

I claim work related damage. What's your excuse? :p

[erastes.livejournal.com]

er...

The cat made me do it?

[angrboda]

The cat on the stool? (If the cat is on the stool, does it mean that it's not quite finished yet?)

[rwday.livejournal.com]

We will accept most genres, except pornography, erotica, graphic violence/horror, excessive profanity,

Excessive profanity is a genre? The non-editing of their submission call does not exactly instill confidence.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

*giggles* I'd never thought of that.

Erastes is editing an anthology of excessive profanity genre short stories, tentatively called Go Fuck Yourself.

[mzcalypso.livejournal.com]

WTF--did the Republicans send Palin down to the Gulf Coast to keep her out of the news?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I'm just trying to tick off how many times Transgressions failed. On all counts, I think.

*pride*

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Don't they mean "bland stories only?"

[erastes.livejournal.com]

The Anthology of the Bland! It'd be a best seller!

[kennahijja.livejournal.com]

The cat sat on the mat.

Dunno... I detect traces of stoicism and hedonism there...

*ducks*

[mylodon.livejournal.com]

There are also hidden messages in both the cat and the mat, suggestive of the ruling classes oppressing the proleteriat.

Pfft.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

The Anthology of the Bland! It'd be a best seller!

Sadly, I think it's already out there - in any bookstore you care to browse in.

[lee-rowan.livejournal.com]

The Bobbsey Twins.

[lee-rowan.livejournal.com]

And its sequels - Children of the Bland, Night of the Living Bland, Revenge of the Bland... And then... come the movies.

[m-barnette.livejournal.com]

*smirks* Ah, yes...

Michael will follow Erastes' anthology 'Go Fuck Yourself' with an anthology of short, profane amoral stories complete with graphic violence and scads of excessive profanity called 'It Came from the Gulf Coast.'

[erastes.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*