How to ruin a book

[erastes]

1. Take a bunch of people no-one cares about, an English actor who's better than this but obviously thinks it will be a leg-up to Hollywood. Make Ford not at all memorable, or mad.

2. Take out all of the best jokes, especially about tea.

3. Change the lesser jokes and lines to American-speak, because no-one will understand "a girl who Arthur totally failed to get off with."

4. Change the plot in an attempt to make it more exciting. In this way you can tempt a Hollywood Heavyweight to play a role, even if that role didn't exist in the book. Who cares, right?

5. Make it a romance.

6. Completely fail to understand the concept.

7. Don't Panic?  You are joking, right?

And yes, it took me three years to see this film, and I wish I hadn't.

Comments

[the-sea-to.livejournal.com]

dammit - if you'd asked, i'd have told you RUN ERASTES RUN!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I should have asked. *iz scarred for life*

*gives cakey birthday kisses*

[alex-beecroft.livejournal.com]

LOL! It exceeds even the 2005 Pride and Prejudice film with its amazing ability to cut out the punchlines of all the jokes that have punchlines, and mistime the ones that don't. There's a kind of genius in the way it totally misses the point - almost as if it's deliberate, because nothing quite so badly wrong could happen by accident, surely?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I am boggled. I may never recover.

Where was this?

"What's wrong with being drunk?"
"Ask a glass of water"

and I genuinely felt sorry for Marvin for having to put up with such horror, when I normally want to tear his arms off.

[suryaofvulcan.livejournal.com]

I thought it was quite good, actually. *In the manner of Arthur Dent responding to Vogon poetry.*

I saw it when it came out, and I wanted to gouge my eyes out. Douglas Adams must be spinning in his grave.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I read your first sentence and boggled. then read your second and fell about laughing! Brilliant.

[charliecochrane.livejournal.com]

The TV version was so much better.

[melspenser.livejournal.com]

Do you all speak in some mysterious code? Is it a US/GB thing? I'm not usually this dense. Usually. You all seem to know what movie are you talking about. This could be any movie in Hollywood. They screw up about every book they make into a movie. Although, regarding the 2005 P&P... I would not kick Matthew McFadyen out of bed for eating crackers.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

The only thing I got out of the movie was an understanding of Ford Prefect's name. (I didn't get the joke in the books or in the TV version, because they don't sell cars called Ford Prefects over here.)

That said, the TV version was infinitely superior, and it is the TV version that I still picture when I envision Ford, Trillian, Zaphod, Marvin and, most particularly, Arthur.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

[melspenser.livejournal.com]

I never would have gotten that. And I'm a frickin' librarian. Maybe I should read it. I'll just go back to my corner now. Thanks. :/

[cerisaye.livejournal.com]

Exactly why I have stayed well away. Poor you. The original radio & TV versions were brilliant so why mess with that? I feel the same about the idea of an American Ab Fab.

[kittymay.livejournal.com]

maybe they could do the film of 'Standish'...Sylvester Stallone would have to play Rafe, obviously. Brad Pitt would be Ambrose...change the plot so it's set in modern day Texas and away you go. Be great.

[baritonejeff.livejournal.com]

DREADFUL film.

[maya231.livejournal.com]

The movie was forgettable (be assured, the pain will fade); the books, never. I never tried the radio or TV versions.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Of course, in the end, Ambrose Pitt would have to die tragically, while Rafe Stallone would leave Texas with his son, meet and fall in love the sister of the gay missionary liberal minister who believes in gay marriage while they were on a Royal Caribbean cruise, get married by the captain of the cruise liner, and settle down to be a normal heterosexual Christian family of dedicated Republicans.

The sister would be played by Jessica Alba; the minister would be played by Johnny Depp.

See, nothing would change at all!

[rosathome.livejournal.com]

Listen to the radio series. This came before the book version and is just pure genius. Especially Peter Jones as the book.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I advise that you only read the first book. Or better still get the original RADIO series on cd and listen to it which is much the best thing.

[adventurat.livejournal.com]

I thought, at first, 'oh no, don't tell me they've made that into a film again!' but then your allusion to 'three years' made it clear for me. I don't remember hating the movie, but I thought it decidedly inferior to both the books and the original TV series (which still provides all my mental visuals).

The best part was Alan Rickman voicing Marvin. The rest of it... just no.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

argh!

I may never eat again. All that musculature in bed together!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Rickman was good as Marvin - admittedly. I also liked the fact that the TV series Marvin was in the queue at the Vogon office.

I was even quite pleased with Fry as The Narrator/Book - but I admit to sitting there thinking, "it's just a spoken part, why couldn't they have spliced Peter Jones in?"

[erastes.livejournal.com]

OK. I'm more boggled now. I need valium.

Although I would like Depp in the film, he has to be Fleury, not Christopher.

Alba and Pitt. OMG.

I'd be very rich, though.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Hear hear.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

*clings to flist, traumatised*

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Havent't they already done that? e.g. Will and Grace... :) What about an American Life on Mars? I mean, if we want to watch that we can just go and watch Starsky and Hutch!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

It's such a perfect name, too. Just wrong enough to be completely right. There was a solicitors firm in London who named itself Hotblack Desiato from the 2nd(?) book. I agree. The TV series (and of course the original radio series) was hugely better.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

And the radio. *cringes from the horror*

THANK YOU! Fudge, Clotted Cream, Box, for the use of:

SCOFFED!

[mylodon.livejournal.com]

But of course. Postcard of Bath. Stuck on computer cart?

[mzcalypso.livejournal.com]

I'd avoid any Hollywood version of English humor. When you give something subtle and witty to a gang of coke-sniffing jackasses under the thumb of constipated bean counters... The only films I've ever seen done half-right were Master and Commander (and they made hash out of history and the story arc) and Lord of the Rings--and that was made by a fan who had to fight the Hollywood sausage machine every step of the way.

The Hitchhiker trailers were all I could stomach - adn I don't even like Douglas Adams' writing that much.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Oo - didn't notice that in my scoffiness. Much apologies. The box is upstairs so I'll look when I go up again!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I remember being mildly worried about the trailers, but then it was on the TV, so I thought... why not...

I really shouldn't have!

[kittymay.livejournal.com]

Sorry. Fleury has already been cast - Tom Cruise is very happy to be on board. Allegedly.

*waits for slap*

[kittymay.livejournal.com]

My vision exactly - there has to be a wholesome, 'proper' ending, so the kids can all see it too without being corrupted.

I'm considering the soundtrack too, we'd need to do away with all that olden days rubbish and get Daddy Yankee in, maybe Kid Rock. Yeah.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*shoots self*

[aunty_marion]

I have seen this film. I have also, however, (thankfully!) forgotten most of it. The TV series was much better (and not just because a friend of mine worked on the special effects).

[kerri]

I really need to try and read that book again, I never did get through it... I know, it shouldn't be allowed. :P

[erastes.livejournal.com]

The first one is the only one I really liked, like many series it got worse as it went on. And don't talk to me about Dirk Gently!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Hear hear. Arthur Dent (and Ford) is perfect.

[aunty_marion]

Rickman as Marvin was possibly the only good thing about the movie. Though I did keep getting flashbacks to Galaxy Quest!

[essayel.livejournal.com]

The radio show!! Cling to that. Put it on and listen to it. The pictures were so much better!

[lilian-cho.livejournal.com]

#2 Which tea joke was this?


Eh. The only movie that I enjoyed as much as the book are LotR. (And Brokeback Mountain).

[mallorypath.livejournal.com]

The other day, I made a Hitchhiker's reference that my friend failed to get. I told her the source and said, "You're read it, right?"

"I've seen the movie," she said.

I cried a little.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

The whole reason for having to use the improbability drive as they were being attacked near Magrathea was that Arthur had explained tea making to the computer and it shut down to think about it, I missed that!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Oh that's horrible. Fancy that horror being your only expose... argh!