(no subject)

[erastes]

I've been hunting for an agent this afternoon....

And as usual, ended up screaming and wanting to throw the computer across the room.

So, in light of my frustration, I give you an homage to Thomas Hood's November. Dedicated to anyone who is as frustrated as me right now. What do they want? BLOOD? I'LL GIVE THEM BLOOD!!!! Drips for them...

No Agent

No phone - no email!

No SAE - no return -

No porn - no discs - no unsolicited MSS.

No fax, no picture books, no reading fee,

No contacting once submitted for 3 months.

No plays, no scripts, no children’s fiction,

No poetry, no romance, no short stories! -

No Agent!!!

*wanders off feeling a little better*

Comments

[aunty_marion]

*applauds*

*hugs*

Maybe I should have tried going into the agenting business instead of the proofreading/editing lark?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hun.

And Yes! You should! *G*

[iulia_linnea.livejournal.com]

*snorts*

OT: I just wanted to let you know that Standish arrived yesterday. *squees* I've been grinning since I took it out of the envelope, but I won't be able to read it until I finish my hpqfac and snarry_games fics. *pouts* Still, I'm so happy to have received the book, and thank you so much! :D

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Oh I'm so pleased. I gave it to my Dad to post and he's got first stage Alzheimers, so it's always a bit scary when I give him important stuff to do!!!

I hope you enjoy it, and I apologise you didn't get it earlier. Enjoy!

[iulia_linnea.livejournal.com]

I know that I will love it. *dances*

I'm just nervous about reviewing it because my Critic's Hat is all out of shape---so I may just privately squee at you.

[julesjones]

[snort]

I have to confess that one reason The Trashy Porn Novel That Grew continues to languish is that it's ever so much more pleasant to work on the next book for a small press editor who loves me than to work on trying to get an agent for TTPNTG.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

heee. Thanks.

I've had no feedback from my publisher at all in 3 months, so I don't know whether they actually want anything from me or not, it's very discouraging.

And yes, what I should be doing is getting novel 2 polished and getting on with novel 3 but I'm just feeling a bit flattened. Pathetic.

[copperbeech.livejournal.com]

Mmm. Best of luck there. I elected to forego an agent for my first book, but I am thinking better of it this time around. It's just so... dirty, and not in the good ways. Hope you find the match of your literary dreams!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

It's not the finding a match, it's finding anything! I thought I'd found a decent one after about 45 mins searching only to find them being warned off at The Water Cooler (even though they weren't as a warning on P&E)

I just feel pretty squashed, you know? Like I'm at the bottom of a big well. Perhaps it will be easier when I've got some sales figures, or not!!!

[copperbeech.livejournal.com]

I think it's just hard, period. When I was looking I found all of these agents who touted understanding my subject matter, but when I spoke with them I realized they didn't at all--and I'm not being a indignant artist in saying that. They really didn't. I got very discouraged and just went another way. It was a tough way LOL But I now know what I know, you know?

I'm not sure that sales figures really matter. They tell you that they do, but I think it comes down to relationships. The Universe will deliver. You're doing all the work for it.

[mroctober.livejournal.com]

I don't know too many gay writers who are writing specifically queer work that have agents.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I can think of two or three just on my flist, and then there's the luminaries like Simon Sheppard, Sarah Waters. The very small as well as the very big manage it. I'm sure I'll crack it eventually. It's just that TRYING is so frustrating, and I spend an hour (a precious lunch hour) just surfing frantically and finding nothing I can submit to.

The UK market here is SO much more flegging elistist, virtually no-one takes any email queries at all, and to me, that makes no sense. No trees get chopped down, the slush reader glances at the screen, then hits "auto reject". If agents want exclusivity and then won't promise even to turn around within 12 weeks, I'll be 5 years older before I've managed to query about 10 agents.

Ok. I'm exaggerating, a bit. But it's very frustrating being on this side of the pond and just not knowing which way to turn. Without an agent I can't get my MSS in the door at the larger publication houses and more doors are closing every day.

Argh. I'm ranting. But it hurts me to waste that precious hour when I have so little time to actually write. /rant. Sorry. mumble mumble...

[ter369.livejournal.com]

Having an agent is not the only way. I had one for four years, who made fantastic deals ... but not for me.

Everything you've listed is pretty standard, either in procedures (no email, etc) or in work represented. Few will represent poetry and short stories, unless the client is established with novles. Agents typically get 15%, and small press is a financially losing prospect for them.

Are you looking for a UK or USA agent?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I'm looking for either. With global communications I don't think it matters. I live in the UK but I know my main market is in the USA and my publisher is in the USA. But as I say, the earth shrinks and it doesn't matter where you are.

I know it's not the only way, and I don't want an agent for short stories, I'm doing well there, better than I'd ever expected - but as I've just said to Mr October, I can't even get my MSS looked at by the bigger publishers such as Random House etc etc without an agent, they just won't even look.

The poem was not serious, though, I hope people didn't think it was, it was just me blowing off steam. I wasted an precious lunch hour and got no-where and was feeling annoyed with myself going over old ground and ending up with nothing to show for it.

[shenya.livejournal.com]

In theory we have it easier down here (in NZ). Although given that I've only be submitting to Torquere I can't say for sure. But I've been told that starting out down here you don't need an agent, not until you're trying to send things overseas.

On the other hand the markets here are much smaller and I'd be surprised if any of the big companies did the homo-erotica anyway.

[lee-rowan.livejournal.com]

Lois McMasters Bujold didn't have an agent, either. She worked with a lesser-known publisher - Baen wasn't all that big at the time - and her success helped Baen as well. I don't even know if she's got one to this day.

Agents look like a mixed blessing. I had a client who wroter Lit'rary Fiction and was obsessed with Having An Agent. After about a year of chasing around she managed to get an agent ... who then sat on her book for another year and a half. She finally had to get a lawyer to fire the useless creature and get out of the contract. Oh, and then she sold the book herself.

When Standish is a Lambda finalist--or even winner--you make up a lovely promotional document mentioning that it's also been #1 on Amazon in its genre, and send it out broadside to all the agents, offering them the opportunity to represent you. Make up a press release about your book, send it to gay presses in the UK, mention ever-so-subtly that you're now looking for an agent...

That may not work any better than humbly tapping on their door, but what the hell--you're the one with something that can make the agent money, yes? Good luck!