Filk! To the Tune of “We Didn’t Start the Fire”

Inspired by a conversation with Charlie Cochrane, I had a filk-rant about the “JOYS” of Getting Older.

We thought we'd die by 40

Fleecy trousers, stretch waist, comfort slippers, denture paste, fleecy lined wellingtons, gum boots too.
Pill popper pill dispenser, Kirstie Allsop, Phil Spencer, thermal lined long johns, portable loo,
Fold away walking sticks, bra extender, thermal knicks, hy-giene care cream, simplified phones
Put on socks without bending, old age offers never ending, bath knight, ear wax, funeral homes

We didn’t think we’d get old, we thought we’d die by 40, should’ve been more sporty
We didn’t think we’d get old, we thought we’d die by 40, should’ve been more sporty

Ezi-boys, massage toys, copper bracelets, haemorrhoids, Circulation boos-ter, where’s my specs?
Hair nets, fruit nets, more fleece in our boots yet, policemen looking underage, blue pill sex
Boobs sag, urine bag, single slipper, dry shag, Eric Knowles, lawn balls, bath chair, chin hair
Sanatagen and Windeze, pass me the Slanket please, Stannah stairs, shower chairs, do we think they really care?

We didn’t think we’d get old, we thought we’d die at 40, we should’ve been more sporty
We didn’t think we’d get old, we thought we’d die at 40, we should’ve been more sporty

Fiona Bruce, Dan Snow, Antiques Roadshow,  Bargain Hunt, take a punt, your Spode is just Wade
Titchmarsh, Stephen Fry, Countdown’s got a new guy, bridge club, sitting tub, free hearing aid,
Everybody stay warm, ice storm, claim form, fleecy scarves, fleecy gloves, non-slip bath mats
Have you had a mishap, Tena lady, cloth cap, Barbara Windsor Bingo, knit yourself a bobble hat!

We didn’t think we’d get old, we thought we’d die at 40, we should’ve been more sporty
We didn’t think we’d get old, we thought we’d die at 40, we should’ve been more sporty

Daytime TV, Ben Fogle, need a wee, walking trolley, swivel seat, magnifying glass
Barbara Cartland, Dan Brown, have I mentioned Countdown? Hip Hop, Rap Crap, Clarkson’s just an arse,
Co-op funerals, Meals on Wheels, corns on heels, Vorderman, parker pen simply to apply
Turn your music down please, support stockings, dodgy knees, when did I, start to die, think I want another try!

We didn’t think we’d get old, we thought we’d die at 40, we should’ve been more sporty
We didn’t think we’d get old, we thought we’d die at 40, we should’ve been more sporty