Dad

[erastes]

I’ve made a decision today, and that is to apply to be a carer for my father.  It will solve many problems in one fell swoop – Not only will it be company for both father and me, it will mean that I can continue to write without the constant stress of looking for work, it means that I can actually earn up to 95 quid a week without losing benefits and that he will have someone there which will HOPEFULLY stop him getting into a panic about the smallest little thing.

However, there are many hoops to be jumped through, so I don’t expect any major change instantly – need to speak to the Job Centre and find out how to apply, etc etc.  There’s a 17 mile commute, but I had that distance when I was working in Norwich, and this is a nice country commute, and not on the mad commuter road – and I need to be there 35 hours a week – so the cats are going to miss me, but again – when I was working I saw a lot less of them than I have for the last two years.  They’ll cope!  It means I’ll probably eat more healthily, and I’ll eat there for 2 meals a day, and perhaps even go for a walk which will help hugely.  Also – we can even go  out for jollies – we don’t have to sit in the house, after all!  So I think, it will be the best thing for both of us.  He doesn’t need physical care—yet—when that happens I wouldn’t be able to manage, but even at 81, he’s as fit as a flea, far fitter than me, and has no underlying health issues other than the Alzheimer’s.

I’ll probably write more too, as Dad doesn’t have internet, and I’ve checked, there’s no hotspot in the street, so I’ll have no bloody distractions!

So I do think it’s time.  I’m pretty sure he qualifies, so we’ll just see what the bureaucrats have to say!

- - - -

Comments

[semioticwarrior.livejournal.com]

It sounds like an excellent arrangement for everyone. Good luck!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I hope so! Let's hope the red tape isn't too dreadful. (hollow laugh)

[lee-rowan.livejournal.com]

That does sound like a good idea for you both. And especially with Alzheimer's, where the more familiar the surroundings and faces, the better.

It'll make chats more difficult, but I'm sure those can be scheduled one way or another. Good luck with the red tape!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Well, most chats do tend to take place in EST time, so I'll be home in the evenings - and if the writing really takes off to the stage that I'll need more of an office space over there, rather than a laptop, I'm sure he won't mind getting broadband - mother had it, but we did away with it, as he doesn't use a computer at all.

I've been hugely selfish, not already doing it, but I can see him slowly slipping away, and I don't want to see him just once a week and then regret I didn't spend more time with him when it mattered.

[lee-rowan.livejournal.com]

It's always a tough call knowing when to step in and take over--that's going to be a big adjustment for you, though with luck the drive time will be good for cogitation. And you'll have no regrets, which is enormously important.

That icon... with this post title... made me wonder what your dad was getting up to.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

LOL!!!! *giggles *

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a good idea all around. Best of luck to you!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[lovefromgirl.livejournal.com]

Best of luck with this. It sounds like a good move for all involved.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I think so, thanks dear.

[angrboda]

I think that sounds like a good solution for you both. I hope it goes through.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

me too - the money is crap and I can't LIVE on it, but at least I can earn money with writing without having to declare it.

[londonronnie.livejournal.com]

There's a lot of info about eligibility here -

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeone/MoneyMatters/DG_10012522

There's also an online form there for applying for carer's allowance, so that should save you a trip to the Job Centre (which are pretty depressing places in my experience!)

It's a fairly hefty form I'm afraid, but it's worth persevering with - the main thing to remember is not to underestimate your Dad's needs. Make sure you answer the questions based on your Dad's 'bad days' rather than the good ones.

Hope it all goes smoothly!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Thanks - yes, that's where I've been looking. I have to go to the jobcentre next week to sign on, so I'd rather discuss it face to face with someone, hopefully that will move things along a bit faster. ha ha.

[paddynmoon.livejournal.com]

Good luck with this. I know that applying for anything is a bloody nightmare. I've just sent off for DLA for the monster boy, fourth time lucky, and the forms are a nightmare. But if you need any help the CAB can be pretty good.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Thanks hun - it sucks that the money is less - by about 12 quid than job seeker's allowance, and I doubt they'll take into consideration the commute involved, but it will take some of the stress away from us both, so that's a good thing, if it goes through.

[johnrw.livejournal.com]

I’ve checked, there’s no hotspot in the street, so I’ll have no bloody distractions!

'I'll just check my email' probably causes more wasted time than anything else, period. Just a couple of suggestions.

1, buy a second power adaptor to leave at your father's place. that way you can't leave the dammed thing where your laptop isn't.

2,Backup your work to memory sticks before every move between houses. Hard drives are amazingly reliable but Murphy's law is even sneakier.

Take care and keep in touch

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Yes, I need to be very organised with the memory and stuff - not used to moving things between computers since I left work.

Very good point about the power adaptor, thank you!

[kcwarwick.livejournal.com]

This is a big decision for you but I'm sure it's the right one. Organisations like Age Concern are also helpful in finding out what support there is out there. I think your Dad can probably claim an allowance too because he needs someone to care for him. Sorry, I can't remember what it's called, but my Mum-in-law claimed it when she lived with us for the last five years of her life.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I think it's attendance allowance, and I think he already either gets it, or he did, when mum was alive - he has to be eligible for that for me to be a carer, I believe.

Not looking forward to the hoops, but I hope it will all work out - thanks dear!

[enolabloodygay.livejournal.com]

First off, you need to check your Dad is getting higher rate Attendance Allowance. If you apply to be his carer, I think (although it isn't my area of expertise) he will lose some of his AA, but check that. You will also be eligible for Income Support as a carer, which will basically top up the CA to the same rate as JSA.

Hope this helps and all goes well.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

thanks hun - that's good to know about the topup!

[vashtan.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the 'tape - may it all turn out for the best, create more writing, and relieve the stress!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

i wish i could stop dad getting this bees in his bonnet about stuff, but that's a symptom of the disease, but god it is stressful when he rings up five times a day over the same stuff.

[leni-jess.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a happy solution, and you'll be glad, later, you managed to spend time with him when it would be good time for both of you.

Good luck with the ughsome paperwork, and remember to apply for every damned penny for either of you there's the slightest hope of! (And don't take any nonsense from ignorant idiots behind the counter. With any luck your local CAB is good, and you won't need them anyway, but call on them if in doubt.)

Query: does your Dad like cats? How would one or more of them take to a commute?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

`thanks dear - i was thinking about trying sevvie on the commute - he is the kind of bouncy cuddle that would get on best with dad - as long as he remembers not to let him out!!

[leni-jess.livejournal.com]

Collar! Tags! Notice on all outside doors "Do not let Sevvie out!"

I wondered if Sevvie would suit your Dad. Possibly not good to give Lucius the idea of a different environment, though.

[alex-beecroft.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a great idea, if you don't think it would drive you up the wall to spend the better part of every day with someone else. I can't write when there's someone else around, but if you can write more, and look after your Dad, and maybe earn a bit more money too, it sounds excellent.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

No - he's pretty good - he wouldn't disturb me if I was working, and I don't mind distractions - I have the cats and the tv on all day, anyway. Thanks, dear.

[cassiopaya.livejournal.com]

Good luck!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[tiggothy.livejournal.com]

Best wishes, I don't know if it was an easy decision to take or not, but if it means more books for us to read, huzzah!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

It wasn't really--but it was only selfishness on my own life that made it difficult, and I have to be honest, I may not have him for much longer - he's slipping away slowly mentally, so I'd like to make the most of him while I still can.

[aigooism.livejournal.com]

Ooooh! I hope they let you do that! :) That sounds like a fantastic plan! ^___^

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I'll get the wheels rolling today, thanks dear, fingers crossed!

[crawling-angel.livejournal.com]

Go for it. I think he has to be in receipt of DLA then you can apply for attendance allowance. I might be doing this myself soon.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I'll ring the Jobcentre today and see if I can make an appointment - I'd rather not do it online on by phone, because I want to make sure I'm getting all the help I can. I'll get in touch with the Alzheimer's association and Help the Aged too, they might have suggestions. My concern about the cats is that Lucius started to wander because I wasn't here during the day - hope he doesn't start doing that again - he stopped doing that as soon as I became unemployed. We can compare notes if you do this too! :)

[aunty_marion]

Good luck! And all the best with the red tape. I second the advice to put down your Dad's abilities on his 'bad days' - I was told to do that myself in my application for a Freedom Pass on the grounds of disability (aka my asthma). My assessment for that is tomorrow... *gulp*