On Twilight.

[erastes]

1. Phoenix is yellow - Oregon is green for some reason.
2. Dad is McClure
3.  Script... what script?
4. Are the people befriending Bella supposed to be Geeks, because they look like the Cool Kids.  And yes, I'm sure all first days at High School are like that.
5.  how disappoinitng Edward isn't sparkling
6.  how handy! a wind machine!
7. BROODING 101
8. There's been a lot said about Edward being the Stalker, but the way Bella behaves after one lesson, strikes me as just as bad. Obsessed much.
9. Random scene in a factory
10. bella tells us she is coincindated because se obviously can't work out that for ourselves
11. Dad now looks like Matlock
12. Question: if you are immortal, why do stay in high school?
13. ARGH. SCRIPT.  "i don't like the rain. Any cold wet thing..." Why does that immediately summon up a vampirehood?
14. His eyes are Gordon Brown! texture like sun!
15. I love that in the car accident everyone rallies around Bella and ignores the injured driver
16. Dad's moustache seems to be loose
17. Dad Cullen is Alan Tracey!
18. Everyone wants to go to the Prom with her!  I feel very sorry for the actress, she's incapable of convincing us she's an awkward image-issues girl, when all she has in her arsenal is stammering.
19. Greenhouse scene. Harry Potter, much? POINTLESS much?
20. Oh she fell over! that must mean she's clumsy!
21. Who cast this?
22. Everyone is still green. Stop being green, it makes me feel sick. Even Bellas house is green.
23. How does he manage in daylight? is it because the sky is green?
24. "If you were smart, you'd stay away from me."  WHAT? he's the stalker!
25. Random shot of tree
26. Shopping + "script" = blech
27. CREEPY BOOKSTORE!
28. No seatbelts for a handbrake turn like that? they'd have both been out of the window. /inertia geek.
29. Has Edward never had a conversation with anyone before?
30. OK - he's telling her he can read minds and she turns the conversation to HER. I know pepole like that.  I find it amusing that he commented on it at the same time I did.
31. Dear main characters. There are more tones than mono, you know.
32. Dad's office is dark. And green...
33. Why has Dad given her a torch? or is it a vibrator?
34. Why do the corpse's feet make her think of Edward? That's revolting.
35. Why does she need to Google to find out what a vampire is? Don't they have Buffy in Arizona?
36. MOODY MUSIC! GREEN SPORTSFIELD! ARTY SHOT OF FOGGY WOODS.
37. "you speak as though you are from a different time"
38. I've been 17 a while. This is why he's mad, he's been in high school for a hundred years.  Years of cheerleaders and American cliques will drive anyone insane.
39. Diamond encrusted skin!  BWAHAHAHAHA!
40. Why does Pattinson like being up trees so much?
41. You know this is only a metaphor for MEN. They only like the women they don't understand.
42. ... the script... my ears are bleeding.
43. Is it just me that finds it mildly worrying that Head Vampire recruits pretty 17 year old boys?
44. OK - so after the most appalling declaration of love and OMG you are a vampire scene, we THEN have to have "I was sure of 3 things" - just in case we hadn't already twigged that 1. Edward is a vampire 2. He wants to eat you and 3 you are in love.  BECAUSE WE ARE THICK. Oh yes, we are. We are watching this tripe, after all.
45. i haven't mentioned the music yet. It's foul
46. omg - his family lives in a glass box and they ARE the bloodsucking Brady Bunch
47. TREE CLIMBING FOR VAMPIRES. So what are we saying? Vampires are the missing link?
48. oh please. Edward and Bella sitting in a tree? ARGH.
49. Moms in Jacksonville - which is also green
50. My god, a bit I enjoyed - the baseball was cool.
51. How did James know about the ballet school?
52. Why on earth would anyone leave a camcorder in their house?
53. Why is Phoenix green too, now?
54. It 's not really a good sign if I laugh when the heroine falls on broken glass...
55. Oh GIGGLES - you can just suck out Vampire venom!  Like a rattlesnake! 
56. I actually quite like Carlisle. Thank GOD I liked someone.
57. QUESTION: How come Edward's bite didn't contain venom too? Eh? Eh?
58. Random Blues Singer rambling
59. Also not a good sign that I hope she dies, is it?
60. After her hysterical outburst DON'T LEAVE ME in the hospital, I'd run and hide from her, Eddie, if I were you. She's a psycho.
61. Did you see Dad's face when Edward said she looked perfect?  OH CHEEESE, he's thinking...LOL
62. PROM. oh dear lord, I really feel Edward - not only has he got nutso girl to put up with but an eternity of Prom.

See, I don't get at any time WHY Edward loves Bella apart from the fact that he can't read her mind and that drives him mad.  I CAN see the broody goth obsession of a 16-17 year old girl but not the other way around.

Dreadful film. Not as bad as Eregon though. I can actually see what they were going with, emo-art-house- but it really didn't work. blech.

Comments

[cassandra-gold.livejournal.com]

My students (middle school) love Twilight--the books and the movie. You don't know how many Edward t-shirts and "Team Edward" buttons I've seen this year.

I guess they're the target audience, so at least the movie was successful in reaching 13-year olds. Apparently not so much for the adults, though. I admire your perseverance at getting through it. :)

[heidicullinan.livejournal.com]

If you don't know Buffy this won't resonate as well, but in case you do: http://blip.tv/file/2261825/

I feel the pacing could have been tighter, and it could be shorter, but it seemed appropriate given your post.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

i meant to add that video at the end, actually!

:)

[heidicullinan.livejournal.com]

I must admit, that video convinced me I don't need to see the movie or read the book. Ever. But I do have a yen to pull out Buffy.

[lexin.livejournal.com]

I read about a chapter of one of the books and gave up at that point. I would rather read the worst gay romance than Twilight - at least there would be some kind of payoff that I might enjoy.

[tammylee.livejournal.com]

Is it just me that finds it mildly worrying that Head Vampire recruits pretty 17 year old boys?
And yet, it worked for Lost Boys! =D

I can't even bring myself to watch the show. Reading the books would likely have me tossing myself off a balcony.

[liriaen.livejournal.com]

The fact that the kids latch onto this like whoa... is worrying. Extremely worrying. It's like the maximum Geiger fallout indicator for the sheer level of their brainwashedness. Woe unto us.

[anderyn.livejournal.com]

It was a very fun B movie, in its cheesy way. I mean, the baseball scene? Cool! And Edward only sparkling sometimes in the sun? (My theory was that he had to take the diamonds off so he could play the piano.) Priceless. The worst dialog was straight from the books (Lamb and lion? Ew.). But it's most fun to spork. My husband thought that the high school was the weirdest ever -- no one would be all over the new girl like that.

[xbeyondinsanex.livejournal.com]

For Bonus hate - the RANDOM BLUES SINGER is actually R-PATTINSON singing the song he was inspired to write for that scene.

Really, the movie was like looking at a still shot of Edward and Bella gazing at eachother moodily while the actress who plays Bella reads the book aloud.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Ewww! I'm so glad I didn't know that - it was a horrible horrible song!

and yes, that's exactly what it was like - Moody Glances!

[spindriftdancer.livejournal.com]

OMFG. I just laughed so hard I think I hurt myself. The books were only slightly better than the movie, but they were at least engagingly written... (*my ears are bleeding* LOL)

[essayel.livejournal.com]

The movie is better paced and makes more sense then the book. That's not something you can say often.

I read it because my daughter wanted to read it [she's 16]. Now she has she reckons it's tripe too.

I read Eragon when it first came out and I can't remember ANY of it.

[sleveen.livejournal.com]

This is why he's mad, he's been in high school for a hundred years. Years of cheerleaders and American cliques will drive anyone insane.

LMAO!!!!!
I'm SO glad I didn't bother to watch it/read the books. Then again, YA stuff makes me mental... o_O Teenagers: The Other White Meat.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

It's rather horrid that it's aimed at kids that young, yuk. The best kids films should manage to touch both kids and adults.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Hee hee - yes, it did didn't it? But I didn't have slash goggles back then - must rewatch that film!

[tammylee.livejournal.com]

But I didn't have slash goggles back then
I didn't either but I knew the show made me feel funny... in a good way! XDDD

[erastes.livejournal.com]

You can tell how bored I was that I went through the agony of the film!

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

Why does she need to Google to find out what a vampire is? Don't they have Buffy in Arizona?

Ahahahaha!

I almost regret not having seen this movie - it would have made your post even funnier. :P

[mzcalypso.livejournal.com]

oh please. Edward and Bella sitting in a tree? ARGH.

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

ye gods.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

I made it through the first chapter.
By the end I wanted to smack Bella.
I wanted to sic CPS on her folks.
And I wanted to beat Stephanie Meier with a stick that reads: "NEVER START A NOVEL WITH WEATHER! ESPECIALLY INACCURATE WEATHER!"

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

The sad part is Kristen Stewart is an excellent actress. She just doesn't get to show it here.

See The Cake Eaters for some much better work.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

i may have to check that out. It seemed to me that when she actually got to show some emotion she was pretty good, but I could just see the director "You are attempting to show the audience that you are a girl with very low self esteem, who thinks (and therefore is) she is clumsy, and the best and only way to achieve this is to stammer like an idiot."

*headdesk*

[erastes.livejournal.com]

*hides Frost Fair under the rug*

*and Mere Mortals*

:)

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Absolutely, that scene just STANK of that rhyme for the fangirls...

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Don't Just Don't. I did, so you don't have to.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I think it's cruel and unusual punishment to create a teenage vampire. OK - it was 1918 and he wasn't to know that America was going to end up with such a ghastly high school system, but for god's sake - at least forge the boy some papers so he can pretend he's older and he doesn't have to KEEP GOING TO SCHOOL. I felt really sorry for him, and in another way it's really creepy that this 100 year old guy is smexing up High School girls.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

It actually wasn't as dire as I thought it was going to be, although it was pretty bad, ebcause it took itself so bloody seriously, aimed squarely at the Goths and emos of the world, I suppose. But I'd never ever read the book. some books do make better films, most of Barbara Cartland, imho.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I agree, but then kids get old quick... feels old...

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I would have liked it more if it had been more obviously fun, rather than being so serious!

Definitely agree about the new school, I felt how lucky she was, getting all those friends, who stayed friends on the first day. Doesn't anyone rememeber what it was like at school?

[essayel.livejournal.com]

The book is a hundred times worse. 1st two thirds is all Bella emoting and thinking Edward is 'perfect', a word which is used about a million times. Then suddenly there's the plot with the other vampires. The end is just eugh! The kid who was injured in the accident [ the one everyone ignored in the film] apologised to Bella and asked if he could take her to the Prom, a very weird custom just designed for consumerism. She says 'yeah whatever' because she's a graceless little bitch. He arrives all gussied up with a corsage for her and hired car and she sniffs and says, "As if. I'm going with Edward' and as if that wasn't bad enough the author makes it clear we are supposed to find that FUNNY.

Ms Meyer is a seriously strange woman.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Stunned. Good Lord...

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Where you be, recently, hun?

[essayel.livejournal.com]

I'm stunned I bothered to read that far!

I'm hoping the horror will fade, as with Eragon.

[jamie2109.livejournal.com]

17. Dad Cullen is Alan Tracey!

Snap! Exactly my reaction.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

LOL! glad to know it wasn't just me. I like my insane-erisms validated from time to time!

[emeraldsedai.livejournal.com]

Well, Oregon is pretty green. Other than that: thank you for saving me from even the faintest whiff of interest in this movie. I saw the Buffy vs Edward vid a couple of days ago and that was plen-tee 4 me.

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

In The Cake Eaters her character has Fredrick's Ataxia, which makes her role physically demanding.

[liriaen.livejournal.com]

What it boils down to, I believe, is not so much a matter of age but a matter of buying the shit they sell you. Buying the role models, the gender identities, the entertainment that perpetuates all that and ad nauseam, ad infinitum, and what such a process churns out are good little consumers. Soldiers. Workers. Taxpayers. Breeders. And more consumers. It starts with little Edward and little Bella. But it's just a version of "Discipline and Punish" and "Birth of the Clinic" - the end result is "normalisation".

Gnarf.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Oh I don't doubt that Oregon is green. I've lived in Ireland a lot - and that's wet and cloudy and green - but EVERYTHING was green. Skin, cupboards, sky...

[emeraldsedai.livejournal.com]

Oh! Well then. That? It's SYMBOLISM! Very deep.

Because Edward is, like, a total recycler, right? Because of eating people? So it's all about GREEN.

Okay, I give up.

[sandrafowke.livejournal.com]

Arrg! Don't get me started on Eregon yeach!!
I liked the way the book flowed but the movie really didn't really do anything for me and I agree I can see what drew a 16-17 year old girl to him - dark/broody/secretive lol but I never got why he was so drawn to her - ok her blood smelt good - That's kind of the equivilent to "'cause she's got great tits" Not exactly romantic.