POV shifts

[erastes]

Is shifting POV so evil? I just had a critique of chapter one of Transgressions (and I'm not complaining about the crit, it was damn good and professional and made me look at what I'm doing) and the critiquer didn't like the POV shifts.

How long do you stay in POV? Throughout an entire chapter? I COULDN'T do that, there have to be shifts, specially when David and Jon are together. matociquala said the other day that her editor had pointed out that she'd changed pov in the same paragraph, and I've not done that, but if you've got three people in a scene and it's vital that you show each persons view about the other, how else can you do it? I've changed it in paragraphs - not every one!! Just switched from David's POV to his father's. Oh hell, - under the cut.

"Master Caverly,." the newcomer said, his face unhappy and mistrustful "I am pleased to make thy acquaintance.," He bowed stiffly, removing his hat awkwardly then ramming it back onto his head. David looked enquiringly at his father, waiting for some indication as to who this young man could be, why he was calling him his 'brother.'


Jacob looked at his son for a long moment, and then around the unswept yard , taking in the pile of uncut timber. Suppressing a sigh, but unable to hide the annoyance in his eyes, he spoke again, his voice holding an edge of irritation he was struggling to contain. "Jonathan is come as my apprentice, David." He watched David's eyes fly open with shock and surprise, but he was not minded to explain his actions to his son at this time, especially in front of Master Graie. He led the way towards their cottage saying, "Come lad, I will show you your lodgings; David, you may join us for supper when you have finished."


David threw his axe down in temper when his father was out of sight. blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...

Thoughts? Comments? Help?

Comments

[eledhwenlin]

It's not evil perse, but I, for one, am kind of bothered by it. It does add a jar to the feel of the lecture. *is pedantic*

The shift you described above? Would make me grind me teeth, if I see it written. I had to suffer through all of it in "The Fall of the Kings" (and just when Ellen Kushner had won me all over with hardly doing it in Swordspoint!).

You don't have to write a whole chapter in one POV, but... do you call it a subchapter? (Chapter I. blabla *** blabla Chapter II - the blablas are "subchapters"). *is not very eloquent today*

I think it's more of a personal dislike. *shrug*

[erastes.livejournal.com]

So how would I handle that scene? I need to show Jacob's reaction to David from his POV and I'm not going to write an entire half chapter in Jacob's POV, as he's hardly ever on the screen.

[eledhwenlin]

I'd try to let David see his father's reaction: "he saw his father glance at the uncut timber, he noticed the faint notion of irritation in his father's voice, etc."

I'm not saying that this is a better way to do it - I just find it easier, when I don't have to jump POVs. But I think fandom might have spoiled me too much in this regard. ;)

[aunty_marion]

Jumping in with both left feet, I have just re-read the paragraphs above and I think that's what I'd prefer to see too... So, for me, I'd want something like this for the second paragraph:

Jacob looked at his son for a long moment, and then around the unswept yard, taking in the pile of uncut timber. David saw his father look around the unswept yard, taking in the pile of uncut timber. Suppressing a sigh, but unable to hide the annoyance in his eyes, he Jacob spoke again, his voice holding an edge of irritation he was seemed to be struggling to contain. "Jonathan is come as my apprentice, David." He watched David's eyes fly open with shock and surprise, but he was not minded to explain his actions to his son at this time, especially in front of Master Graie. David could see his father's reaction to his own shock and surprise, but knew Jacob would not explain his actions at this time. [New Para here!] He Jacob led the way towards their cottage saying, "Come lad, I will show you your lodgings; David, you may join us for supper when you have finished."

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I guess I could change it to be like that, he could have his own section later. It works!

Thanks!