POV shifts
Sep. 12th, 2006 08:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
erastesIs shifting POV so evil? I just had a critique of chapter one of Transgressions (and I'm not complaining about the crit, it was damn good and professional and made me look at what I'm doing) and the critiquer didn't like the POV shifts.
How long do you stay in POV? Throughout an entire chapter? I COULDN'T do that, there have to be shifts, specially when David and Jon are together.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
matociquala said the other day that her editor had pointed out that she'd changed pov in the same paragraph, and I've not done that, but if you've got three people in a scene and it's vital that you show each persons view about the other, how else can you do it? I've changed it in paragraphs - not every one!! Just switched from David's POV to his father's. Oh hell, - under the cut.
"Master Caverly,." the newcomer said, his face unhappy and mistrustful "I am pleased to make thy acquaintance.," He bowed stiffly, removing his hat awkwardly then ramming it back onto his head. David looked enquiringly at his father, waiting for some indication as to who this young man could be, why he was calling him his 'brother.'
Jacob looked at his son for a long moment, and then around the unswept yard , taking in the pile of uncut timber. Suppressing a sigh, but unable to hide the annoyance in his eyes, he spoke again, his voice holding an edge of irritation he was struggling to contain. "Jonathan is come as my apprentice, David." He watched David's eyes fly open with shock and surprise, but he was not minded to explain his actions to his son at this time, especially in front of Master Graie. He led the way towards their cottage saying, "Come lad, I will show you your lodgings; David, you may join us for supper when you have finished."
David threw his axe down in temper when his father was out of sight. blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...
Thoughts? Comments? Help?
How long do you stay in POV? Throughout an entire chapter? I COULDN'T do that, there have to be shifts, specially when David and Jon are together.
matociquala said the other day that her editor had pointed out that she'd changed pov in the same paragraph, and I've not done that, but if you've got three people in a scene and it's vital that you show each persons view about the other, how else can you do it? I've changed it in paragraphs - not every one!! Just switched from David's POV to his father's. Oh hell, - under the cut."Master Caverly,." the newcomer said, his face unhappy and mistrustful "I am pleased to make thy acquaintance.," He bowed stiffly, removing his hat awkwardly then ramming it back onto his head. David looked enquiringly at his father, waiting for some indication as to who this young man could be, why he was calling him his 'brother.'
Jacob looked at his son for a long moment, and then around the unswept yard , taking in the pile of uncut timber. Suppressing a sigh, but unable to hide the annoyance in his eyes, he spoke again, his voice holding an edge of irritation he was struggling to contain. "Jonathan is come as my apprentice, David." He watched David's eyes fly open with shock and surprise, but he was not minded to explain his actions to his son at this time, especially in front of Master Graie. He led the way towards their cottage saying, "Come lad, I will show you your lodgings; David, you may join us for supper when you have finished."
David threw his axe down in temper when his father was out of sight. blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...
Thoughts? Comments? Help?
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no subject
Date: 2006-09-12 10:21 pm (UTC)The longer story (and, admittedly, more useful editor) the story got broken up into sections of pov... most often midscene. But I just couldn't afford to lose some of my switching. It did mean that I did have to decided on a single pov for the worst parts.
In the other story the editor didn't provide that option and I really really couldn't afford to drop the second pov entirely so I went through the whole thing and added more pov changes anywhere I could find... The editor didn't come back with another complaint so hopefully I managed to push it over into omniscient.
As for what I (and my beta) have been counting as pov shifts. If it's something that couldn't be seen by an outside observer then you are inside the person's head.
Looking at your paragraphs (and bearing in mind that I'm not authoritive on this or anything)
"Master Caverly,." the newcomer said, his face unhappy and mistrustful "I am pleased to make thy acquaintance.," He bowed stiffly, removing his hat awkwardly then ramming it back onto his head. David looked enquiringly at his father, waiting for some indication as to who this young man could be, why he was calling him his 'brother.'
In that section the part that I find dubious for pov is waiting for some indication as to who this young man could be, why he was calling him his 'brother.'
Jacob looked at his son for a long moment, and then around the unswept yard , taking in the pile of uncut timber. Suppressing a sigh, but unable to hide the annoyance in his eyes, he spoke again, his voice holding an edge of irritation he was struggling to contain. "Jonathan is come as my apprentice, David." He watched David's eyes fly open with shock and surprise, but he was not minded to explain his actions to his son at this time, especially in front of Master Graie. He led the way towards their cottage saying, "Come lad, I will show you your lodgings; David, you may join us for supper when you have finished."
In the first couple of sentances but unable to hide the annoyance is the only part that jumps out initially as being the father's pov. And that could be neutralised to failing or a similar word.
Then again with his voice holding an edge of irritation he was struggling to contain. Father's pov again. Should be easy fix if you wanted.
Ok. One or two other points but that paragraph is basically in Father's pov.
David threw his axe down in temper when his father was out of sight. blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...blah blah...
That part is easy. People have left the scene so it has changed. If you were tending to mark pov changes (with *, # etc) then put that in before this paragraph if you want.
A rule of thumb I ended up using.. for if you aren't going omniscient. If you can't get at least a few paragraphs in a pov (including neutral) then you need to decide which pov it needs to be written into.
It's a horribly painful process. I know!