erastes

I’m beginning this “review”(although it is more accurately a letter of complaint) before I’ve finished the book. At this point I’m 62 chapters in, and 81% done, and I’m sick to death of it. I’m struggling to finish, and I never not finish books. The only book I ever didn’t finish in disgust was the first Wraethlu book and this is nearly as bad as that. I don’t ever remember waiting this long for a book and being so disappointed. Even the Deathly Hallows didn’t disappoint me as much as this, and that—if you’ll remember my horror at that book—is saying something.

I have now finished and while the book took a minor turn for the better it soon plummeted back into “disappointing.”

The main problem to me is that it’s bloated beyond control. I can’t blame the editors for this, because I understand they had very little time to manage a monster of a book and it had already been cut down by about a third, apparently, but there’s so much padding it suffocates under its own weight, like Lord Manderley falling asleep on his wife, or something. Plus I would suspect that the editors worked on an arc, or a pov, and didn’t see the book as a whole—but even if that was the case, there’s no excuse for the repetition and rehashing Facts are repeated within the same POV – we are told a dozen (maybe two dozen) times how Tyrion killed his father and Shae, as if we’d forgotten, not only since reading the book where that happened, but since reading Tyrion’s previous chapter. We are reminded, over and over and over and in fact, over, who is leal to Winterfell and who has turned their cloak and who are enemies—so many times that I just wanted to scream. Even Asha, who in previous books knows nothing of the grass-soft lords and their history, suddenly seems an expert and we are reminded YET AGAIN what the position is regarding the Karstarks.

Every time we see Davos (and as much as I like Davos as a character I was glad we didn’t see him more than we did or I would have given up reading altogether) we are reminded over and over (and indeed, over) and over again that he had seven sons and he’s lost four and about his fingers.and every single thing else we’ve ever learned about this insignificant character. It’s not as if this fact is pigging relevant. Then, when we are invested with all this time with Davos, he’s dropped and we don’t see where he goes, who he’s with, blah de blah de blah. He’s a deus ex machina, simply there to show plot points as they move on.

So many chapters are not only rehashing, “as you know, Bob” narration and dialogue, but are entirely unnecessary. It seems that GRRM thought “well, x person has got to get to x place so I’d better show the journey.” And the actual journeys are pointless.

Seriously. Tyrion’s entire story of hundreds of pages could have started “Tyrion woke up and found he didn’t like being a slave.” Yes,there was one vital character he met on his travels, but his interaction with him was inconsequential and we did need the whole journey and the turtles. Ditto for Quentyn’s journey. Ditto for Victarian’s journey.

This is a classic example of his padding (in miniature)

"the sky above Meereen was the colour of corpse flesh, dull and white and heavy, a mass of unbroken cloud from horizon to horizon. The sun was hidden behind a wall of cloud. it would set unseen, as it had risen unseen that morning."

You see what I mean. We’ve had a literary description of the wall of cloud in teh sky, then for people who don’t quite get it, we get “it’s cloudy” Then for the complete thickos we are told what the consequence of this will be.

I am not judging the book on this one section, merely holding it up as a classic example of GRRM taking two or three ways to say the same thing. I have been tweeting over and over that “nothing has happened yet” and while that’s not entirely true, it certainly felt like it—probably due to the over-weighted and bloated chapters that are nothing more than description and travelogue and internal (repetitious) dialogue and angsting and telling us crap we already know and listing everyone in the scene and every merchant and every turtle and every type of food and every mercenary

I have learned that – if you can take out a scene, or a chapter entirely and it makes no difference at all to the plot—then that scene is entirely irrelevant and should—must—be excised. Now, of course, I don’t know GRRMS plan, it might be that there’s a very good reason he left all the boring tripe in, but it didn’t help to make this the kind of book that the first 3 were.

The problem with the chapters that are (probably) essential is everyone’s so bloody PASSIVE. There’s a reason Jon is, so that didn’t bother me, but what the hell happened to Dany and Tyrion? Did they both have lobotomies somewhere between books 4 and 5? Dany has gone down with a case of Tonks-itis. (Tonks, from Harry Potter was a smart, feisty auror –that alone meant she was in the top 3percent of her class—who rocked in the fighting department.She was clever, witty and amusing. Then in later books she fell in lurve, lost her powers, became nothing more than a weepy clinging woman and consequently died. Even when we see Ghost!Remus later on, she’s not with him.) And Dany has gone the same way. She won a Horse Lord’s heart, and his followers, and thousands of poorfolk’s hearts, then turns into nothing more than a girl in love led by men.

Love doesn’t do well in this series,as a matter of course. Of course I know that the good side doesn’t always win, but sheesh – sometimes they do. But there’s no character here who falls in love who gets a fair deal. In fact, GRRM goes so far to list a whole heap of people who married for love and allthe appalling things that happened to them. (that’s on top of the main characters who married for love and died horribly. Cat/Ned, Lysa, Dany/Drogo, Tyrion/Tysha and the others who loved without marriage and died horribly... Add to that the sudden homophobia from all corners,when it had been much more accepted before. No, love doesn’t do well.

LISTs: What was the point of all the lists? Naming every hostage that came through the wall? All the irritating hostages at irritating Meereen (is there a point to Meereen?) All with too many Zs in their names.

There were (a paltry few) chapters I liked. Perhaps ten out of 70 PLUS. But they don’t save this book which could have been cut in half and wouldn’t have lost a thing.

I WilL not be buying the Next one. I’ll GET it from the library.