Book 7 Spoilers! Don't read!

[erastes]

gehayi and I were IM'ing the other day and there were predictions for HP Book 7 everywhere so we came up with our own.

These are hers and

These are mine

The book will begin on 30th July.

It will be summer at the start of the book.

It won't be raining

Harry will be moping about, although a little fearful about What Will Happen when he's 17

The only people who have been in touch are ron and Hermione (he's killed all his other friends)

Vernon will bristle, ejaculate or turn puce at some point.

Dudley will be referred to as fat about 10 times in chapter 1

Mrs Dursley will be horse-faced.

There will be an argument and illegal magic will happen, whether accidental or not.

At Midnight Voldemort will be able to find Harry and kill him. (just hopeful)

There will be bullying in the book, by teachers and pupils.

Harry has his mother's eyes.

Remus will be shabbier than ever.

Regulus will look like Sirius

Sirius will still be dead.

Harry will be a selfish git

Remus will not be gay

Minerva will be woefully underused

Percy will not turn out to be evil, or even interesting at all despite all the set up

Hermione will (like Ron) have lost the promise of her youth and doesn't appear to be as clever as she once was.

Trelawney will drink sherry

There will be a new DADA teacher

Someone will mention that DD is dead, at least every chapter. This is probably just to lull us into a false sense of security as he will leap, pantomime-like out from a cupboard saying "ah ha!" in the last chapter. Sadly.

Lucius will remain in prison.

Draco will be blond

Voldemort will make his move in June, despite the fact that Harry's left the school.

Crookshanks hasn't materialised into anything other than a big fat ginger cat.

The Death Eaters still can't beat children at duelling.

Voldie will grandstand.

Firenze will be vague.

Only about an eighth of the plot holes will be filled

Hers are better.

Oh

and

There will be WANK.

Comments

[zoepaleologa.livejournal.com]

Harry has his mother's eyes.

Minerva: Albus, make him take those out of his mouth...

(sorry, whenever I hear that phrase, my mind zooms into Addams Family Values).

There will be WANK.

Potterdammerung.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Everytime someone says that in the book, I want Harry to say "Yeah, I keep them under the bed" or WHATEVER - I mean he never got to be a horrible teenager,and I don't count the CAPSLOCK book...

Who is that gorgeous man in your icon???

[zoepaleologa.livejournal.com]

Isn't he a thing of utter wonder? That is the movie version of Fyodor Basmanov, lover of Ivan the Terrible. The actor playing him is the scrumptious Mikhail Kusnetsov, from the Sergei Eisenstein movie, Ivan the Terrible.

Of course the movie is all subtextiness liek woah*, but frankly part two of that movie is the most gorgeously homoerotic bit of movie I've ever seen. I'm researching the business for an historical novel. Fyodor was no limp-wristed court favourite but a decorated war hero, and leading member of Ivan's secret police force, the Oprichniki. Of course it ended in tears, or rather beheading. By all accounts, though, Fyodor was unbelievably beautiful. And a "fiery serpent in cruelty".

*Possibly because Eisenstein was gay, and perhaps because Stalin was too thick to see what was really going on.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I must get hold of THAT.

And I can't tell you how thrilled I am to hear that you are researching for the historical novel ....

*waits very impatiently*

"Hermione will (like Ron) have lost the promise of her youth"

[dubaiyan.livejournal.com]

Alas.

Does Vernon ejaculates a lot, I've forgotten.

Re: "Hermione will (like Ron) have lost the promise of her youth"

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I do hope not.

*shudder*

[marauderthesn.livejournal.com]

You know, I never really liked Lucius (wrong thing to say to you, right?!), but I sort of wish he'd get out of Azkaban somehow and come back. Now that I think about it, he was really entertaining.

The Death Eaters still can't beat children at duelling.

It's so PATHETIC. :\

[erastes.livejournal.com]

*adores the icon*

Yes, quite the wrong thing to say. He's sitting beside me and pouting as we speak.

But yes. He was entertaining, and it's quite daft that others could escape and he couldn't. I'm firmly of the opinion that he's actually in the Riviera and is paying someone to impersonate him.

:)

thank you thank you

[pwookie.livejournal.com]

I read them and laughed and laughed.. because youre both probably correct

Peace
Pwookie

Re: thank you thank you

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Thank 'ee! There will be an idiot plot as well, of course!

[ejab62.livejournal.com]

The sad thing is... you're probably right.

Although I've heard rumours that Lucius is no longer in Azkaban but blackmails somebody to take his place. He, of course, is spread out on the beach somewhere south (sorry, am not the Secret Keeper) with a beautiful young boy...

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I hope so. It seem inconceivable that he would hide away in a prison that VM has already shown that he can break into at any time he likes!

[onyx-noir.livejournal.com]

There will be WANK.


Agreed. I'm already stocking up on popcorn and vodka in anticipation. Between reading the book and watching the ensuing wank, I probably won't leave the house for a week.


<(apologies if this double posts, LJ was being tempramental)