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erastesGacked from Paperback Writer:
http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com/2007/02/protag-no-nos.html Ten Nine Things I hate about your (historical) protagonist. (with help from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
gehayi)
1. Ringlets. Unless caused by papers, true ringlets are rare. I know one woman in all my acquaintance who has naturally ringletty hair. Granted there are a few actors with them, Alex Kingston from Moll Flanders/ER is the only one that springs to mind, but that's probably one of the reasons she got good gigs.
The last thing any sensible historical heroine is going to want (specially in ages before brushes) is long loose thick ringletty hair. And the first thing they'd need would be anti-tangle shampoo and conditioner.
2 Ivory skin.
Oh come on! Have you had a good look at ivory? She'd be dead. With horrible zombie like black veins. *shudder* Zombie Protag! Actually, Zombie Regency? I'd read that.
3 Ability to Master Anything In No Time at all.
I'm referring to "A Woman of Substance" disease. Women who are born in hovels to ignorant peasants and because they are "bright" and "sassy" get a job in the Great House and within ten minutes have re-organised the entire servants' routine and are running the place, (usually at this point catching the eye of the ne'er do well son, but that's another rant).
I've read about women walking into the Australian desert and living with the Aborigines, or taking the reins of a vineyard because somehow they've osmosised the hundreds of years of knowledge and skill it takes to make great wine. They go from mending clothes in the backstreets to running huge fashion houses. Being raped by a stable hand and running fabulously wealthy studs.
Stop it.
4. His/her stupid and anachronistic name.
You wouldn't be called Kylie in 1920's England. Or Davina in 1100. Or Rock in the 1600's or Angel in the Regency.
I know that the American's (and more increasingly and horribly the English too *glares at Poor Cruz Beckham and Betty Kitten Ross....) are naming their children revolting names in an attempt to be unique, but even in contemporary-our-world stories I have trouble keeping a straight face when the main characters are trendily named. And to see names like: Angel, Dante, Monette, Sorcha, Kallista, etc etc. and Probably Etcetera in Historical fiction makes me shove the book back on the shelf. Where are the Marys?
Pratchett is the only one who can get away with it. "Oh My God He's Heavy the First" and "Bestiality Carter"
Go forth, find Parish Records or a census for your era AND USE IT!!!
5. Her GOODNESS.
I'm saying "her" because generally the blokes get a rough deal in this respect, being Byronic, and morose and prejudiced and generally not terribly nice. I mean, if you are NICE in an historical novel, you end up getting played by Huge Grunt and no hero really deserves that.
The heroine is Good. She visits the sick. She attends church. She blushes prettily. She is put upon and used by everyone and never complains.
It makes me want to kill her, and I really don't know why this cliché still exists. Granted, Jane in Pride and Prejudice was considered to be a paragon of Goody-two-shoes-ness but she did have flaws too. I am much more likely to be convinced by your Dresden Little-Miss-Perfect if she can have just a few downsides, like stubbornness, or inability to go out without ribbons or something – SOMETHING that makes her human.
6. The way he/she talks/thinks
Look OK. I know that earlier than about 1400 it would have been unlikely that we'd have been able to understand much of what anyone was saying in England – or any other country that you set your story in, but one thing I can't stand is modern speech and modern concepts in historical fiction.
This doesn't mean that you must give up contractions and never use them again, but try and give a bit of lip service to the time. There's nothing more jarring than a character in Victorian England to suddenly say "This sucks!" or "Give me a break, man!" There's only one thing I want sucking in my Victorian Fiction, thank you. *leers at rmanley*
7. Her Beauty or His Handsomeness
She's invariably beautiful. At no point is anyone falling for Ugly Betty, not if he makes £10,000 a year. She has the zombie skin, and is "trim" or "girlish" in figure. she might have a nice bust, but she never never jiggles.
He's never TOO handsome. He's usually got something slightly off, like a broken nose, or an "intriguing scar" But he's not ugly. There was only ever one ugly protag and he married Jane Eyre and she was ugly too, so that's all right.
He's not hunchbacked or bandy legged or god forbid! Not White!
8. He never suffers any Consequences
It's All Right for the hero to be either a rapist (because the heroine really wants it anyway, and we all know that rape leads to lurve), or a torturer (as long as he's torturing one of the Bad Guys), or a murderer (as long as the people are Evil and/or he thinks/wants to believe they are Evil and/or oppose the happiness/wants/desires of the hero). The point is that whatever the protagonist does is right, because it's not as if a hero could commit a crime or a sin. He is the hero, so everything he does is virtuous by default. It's nice to see that dear Mr Potter has taken this all on board.
9. They are carbon copies
They are all moulded from the same jelly-mould because someone somewhere liked a particular thing and the bandwagon was not only jumped on, it was hitched up, the band forced to play at knifepoint and driven away at high speed. "The protagonists will appeal to anyone who's read Heyer" . Yeah. Right. That's because they might as well have been imagined by Heyer!
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Date: 2007-03-06 09:59 pm (UTC)Actually, I recommend reading some Carla Kelly -- she has great non-perfect protags, and they're just ... alive... in a way that most Regency authors can't manage to do. (Okay, she doesn't write teh smut, but I like that in a writer.)
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Date: 2007-03-06 10:30 pm (UTC)And I might just seek her out! Thank you!
xxx
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Date: 2007-03-06 10:05 pm (UTC)XD
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Date: 2007-03-06 10:31 pm (UTC)xxx
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Date: 2007-03-06 10:12 pm (UTC)I wrote the other day that someone had "been to bed with" someone else, and then realised, that in those days, you "lay with" the person in question. Going to bed with someone is a very modern form of euphemism.
Though I confess, my main character is beautiful, but that's a recorded historical fact: "A maiden in his beauty; a fiery serpent in his cruelty".
This is a very good post (added to memories) cos it's full of pitfalls that are easy to forget. For instance, in my own genre, Russian history, you might go, as I did, forgetting my fact: OMG, x named his youngest son after his male lover! ZOMG, before recalling all Russian names were determined by the appropriate Saint's day and have nothing to do with any other reason.
And finally:
The heroine is Good. She visits the sick. She attends church. She blushes prettily. She is put upon and used by everyone and never complains.
Oh, Jesus Christ, she's Jane Bloody Fairfax from Emma.
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Date: 2007-03-06 11:09 pm (UTC)And yes - if your protag (in your case) IS beautiful, then that's absolutely fine and dandy of course, but why must they all have fine eyes and glossy curls. why do NONE of them have problems with frizzy hair? or spots? I loved Northanger Abbey for that - taking the piss out of the whole thing, even really before the romance genre had got started.
In the "yet to be named Regency" my Protag falls in love with a young man who has a very pronounced limp and has to use a cane. I'm actually looking forward to the bed scenes and the imperfections!
And yes. *smacks Jane Fairfax*
Glad you liked!!
xxx
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Date: 2007-03-06 11:26 pm (UTC)crap on a stick, boo! now i'm all like 'that book better be out by next month!'
...not to put pressure or anything. :P
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Date: 2007-03-07 09:46 pm (UTC)But I'm working hard on the book BEFORE the unnamed Regency...
ivory
Date: 2007-03-07 12:24 am (UTC)Dr. House!*g*
Excellent post. *memories*
Also, where I came from, ivory is yellowish. That's why the description of "ivory skin" is confusing to me since I always end up picturing East Asian skin :-P
Re: ivory
Date: 2007-03-07 09:49 pm (UTC)And yes, a limp like House, only a bit worse, his leg was badly set when a child,leaving it shorter than the other.
Yum.
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Date: 2007-03-09 06:29 pm (UTC)to be honest, i don't know why other people might think of someone having a limp be unattractive or being an amputee. actually, one of my more favourite books (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0758201419/ref=nosim/librarythin08-20) features a main character who does fall in love with an amputee who lost both legs in a job-related accident.
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Date: 2007-03-09 07:07 pm (UTC)No, he's actualyy probably more the size and shape of Posh. He's quite short and slim, whereas Geoff (main protag) is tall, broad and blond.
And I agree, there's not enough (so-called) imperfect characters in fiction
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Date: 2007-03-06 10:26 pm (UTC)Bwahahahahaha! Etcetera Poynting! (or whatever) Even Pratchett hasn't done that one yet.
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Date: 2007-03-06 11:13 pm (UTC)*G*
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Date: 2007-03-06 10:59 pm (UTC)(that was 1850s Whitechapel lingo, incidentally, for "Have we any clean dishes, Mrs. Jenner?")
My Dan Brown Goes to Her Majesty's London post? It's coming and for very good reason (torturing you is icing on the cake, anyway). I decided to use it for celebratory purposes. Very likely by the weekend. *rubs hands gleefully*
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Date: 2007-03-06 11:18 pm (UTC)And yippee! Can't wait!
xxx
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Date: 2007-03-06 11:27 pm (UTC)More to the point, curls (and therefore probably ringlets too) are considerably easier to care for if you live in an age/region without daily washing and brushing. :D
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Date: 2007-03-07 08:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-06 11:30 pm (UTC)I actually read that as Hugh Grant the first time. =D And thank god, I am not the only Brit who does not like the guy.
I like my male characters broody and messed up. I've read, hmm, I think Wuthering Heights is the only "period" fiction I've read (oh, and Dickens' Hard Times), and I loved Heathcliffe. He was a total and utter shithead, and that's why I loved him.
Ringlets.
My hair can go into ringlets, when I've just washed it and it dries naturally. Sometimes. And they're FAR from perfect -- there are bits of stray curl or frizz messing them up. I personally would kill for hair that always went into ringlets. Regular conditioning would be a small price to pay. =D
There's only one thing I want sucking in my Victorian Fiction, thank you.
The notion of Johnny Depp playing one of the participants in said sucking just popped into my head. I'll be holding onto that thought for a while.
ringlets
Date: 2007-03-07 12:27 am (UTC)copycatomgBecause it's v. fine, my hair retains the shape it's in when it's drying. (Slept without drying my hair once. Never made that mistake again.)
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Date: 2007-03-07 12:48 am (UTC)Seriously, I can honestly think of a place to submit that.
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Date: 2007-03-07 09:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-07 01:50 am (UTC)Although I'm blessed with curly hair that can be ringletty and stay that way if I *don't* brush it. (My hair is my only vanity.) Also, I must fail at literature loving, because 'Jane Eyre' is one of my all time favourite novels and Rochester one of my all time favourite manly men. Unlike Heathcliff, who I can't stand, but that is a rant for another time, methinks. Aye and forsooth, 'tis indeed!
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Date: 2007-03-07 08:07 am (UTC)And Cathy and Heathcliffe (particularly Cathy) need a bitch slap.
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Date: 2007-03-11 06:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-07 01:58 am (UTC)I'm working hard to avoid #3 in the sequel to Kestrel.
As for the names? I go with actual period names for people, even in contemporaries. People born in 1967 are going to named Michael, Christopher, John, Matthew, Christine, Jacqueline and Kimberley. Children born in 1992 are going to be named Alex, both male and female. (there were 7 in our small town, the exact age of my own daughter)
but really? There's nothing wrong with Angel...
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Date: 2007-03-07 02:22 am (UTC)thanks!
Date: 2007-03-07 04:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-07 08:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-07 02:19 am (UTC)2. Mine is actually pretty darn close to ivory. It's not beautiful. There's a reason that sort of thing is known as a deathly pallor...
4. *falls to knees in worship* Thank you thank you thank you, and may I suggest the Medieval Names Archive (http://www.s-gabriel.org/names/) for your one-stop Medieval/Renaissance naming needs? *grumble* Naming is my biggest pet peeve, honestly; never came closer to throwing a book across the room than when I found a pair of improbably named protagonists. PEOPLE. RESEARCH THIS SHIT.
6. See #4 for accolades and reactions to jarring dialogue. ;-)
9. The only carbon copy in my historical is the hero -- and he's a c.c. of John Jarndyce. ;-)
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Date: 2007-03-07 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-07 11:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-07 05:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-07 08:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-07 12:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-07 10:02 pm (UTC)#6 is tough. Unless you're JRR Tolkien or some other period language scholar, there's not a chance in hell of getting it all right, and if you did the readers would get frustrated and wander off. Then again, "Lo, this sucketh..." No. Just no.
My younger sister has ringlets. It's bizarre, but it was fun when she was a toddler--like an animated doll, and she loved the attention of having her hair fussed with. She mostly keeps her hair in bondage now--braids or whatnot. Of course, ringlets are easy to manage for a lady who's got a maid to do the actual work.
The "ivory" skin and other hyperboles don't bother me so much... it's a convention of the time, pearl or ivory skin, fine eyes, etc. And when X is smitten with Y ... the cliches are all inside the smitten one's head, it's got v. little to do with the actual beloved object.
8. Indeed. Tho in Potterdom defense, it was interesting to find out that HP's father was a bit of a bully.
I'll have to look at the names link later, or it will eat the 5 hours I have left to get too much finished...
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Date: 2007-03-07 10:26 pm (UTC)As to Potter, that's another thing, but I try not to do out and out fandom rants any more - I hate the way that bullying is never punished, except by Snape!
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Date: 2007-03-07 11:12 pm (UTC)But the Snarry? Ick. I had Sister Mary Snape for one interminable year of sixth grade and the notion of that bully-teacher/student relationship being sexualized creeps me out. So does Snape's hair. When they pulled him out of the oil spill, why didn't someone give him a bottle of shampoo? A man in his forties who's still skulking through the halls like a twenty-something goth is just sad.
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Date: 2007-03-08 09:18 pm (UTC)I shudder at the Snarry, too. Mainly because that I don't think ANYONE should be having sex with Harry, the horrid little snot.
I'm a Snucius-phile myself, of course!
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Date: 2007-03-08 12:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-08 09:12 pm (UTC)*G*
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Date: 2007-03-10 02:26 pm (UTC)And to see names like: Angel, Dante, Monette, Sorcha, Kallista, etc etc. and Probably Etcetera in Historical fiction makes me shove the book back on the shelf. Where are the Marys?
Someone has to write a novel with Probably Etcetera as a character. And it actually makes me rather sad that people don't take advantage of some of the truly bizarre names that turned up in the medieval period. They weren't all named Mary or Anne or Elizabeth. Some of them were named Ermentrude, Berengaria, or Ingeborg. Just for a bit of variety. Less so for the men.
And I'm putting this entry into memories for reference. I've got several historical novels in the works, all of which I'm hoping are reasonably accurate given the amount of effort I'm putting into making them so...