A while ago I had a friend.

[erastes]

 An online friend, that is. I was - for a while - very close to him. We used to chat daily via IM. I'd send him my book, chapter by chapter and he'd critique it.  We talked about gay male sex (he was - he told the world) a submissive gay male in a three way "marriage" with Hal and satinvalkyrie.  He helped me in writing my gay sex, helped me "get it right" and we chatted about sealing wax.

Then a couple of years ago, I started to get a little suspicious - he never let anyone see his photo. Not so unusual, - neither do I, but I have reasons e.g. I don't HAVE any recent ones and I don't think putting 10 year old ones online is at all honest.  Petulant God or Seph (spifftastic) as he called himself, would post pictures of his blue-black hair (he was part English, part Amerindian, he said) or his chest or his dick. (he once started a community for his dick, too(sephs_cock), which was about the same time I started to shy away) but nothing else. His boyfriend Hal (teh_hal) also had an LJ.

We talked about writing, he was writing a book and I helped him with it.  But my suspicions that he wasn't what he seemed grew. I began to suspect that he was a woman (I thought he might Seph's "wife" in the 3 way marriage. The crunch for me came when he said he met a boy from Hawaii, Tomas, and Tomas started an LJ and wrote in it - IN PIDGIN ENGLISH.  That was it, for me.

Now "he" has admitted what I have suspected for a couple of years now, that it was all a lie, that he is a woman and that he's been making it all up. As a work of fiction, it was pretty impressive. She created a huge amount of material - what Seph wore, what he drove, where he worked, who his family was, who his boyfriends were, what he did on a day-to-day basis, what parties he went to and what he got up to.  He invented visits to England, an accent, a backstory which was bitter-sweet, and much much more.

The Outing Herself Post is very typical of Seph's style. Unbelievable and self-abrading and "fuck you" in style. It's yet another attention grabbing post and for all anyone knows, it could be true, it could be not. Who gives a fuck, frankly.

Well, apart from all the people "Joseph" got close to.  This has happened to me twice before so I know what people might be feeling now. I won't say "I don't understand why people do this" because in a way - I do. Pretend to be a man on LJ - particularly as a writer (and a damned good one - here's his fandom work that was posted on hp_literotica.)   and you will attract fangirls (because male writers are rare)  It IS frustrating to pour your heart into a fanfic and get perhaps five comments - and see someone like copperbadge get 100 comments on a post about blowing his nose.

I find it dispicable, and blaming it publicly and all on psychoses is sick. If you are sick, girl, get help. Don't drag hundreds of people into your invention.  Go join "Second Life" because there you can be anyone, any sex, any age.  And no-one expects the impossibly bosomed blonde woman in Second Life to be an impossibly bosomed blonde woman in real life. He's likely to be a truck driver from Minsk. The entire BREADTH of this deception staggers me, that's what i can't grasp. The invention in this woman's mind is completely wasted - she shouldn't have any problems selling fiction.

This is no different, in my eyes, to the decpeption perpertrated by Riverbend, or the author of "true memoire"  "Love and Consequences" or  "Misha: A Memoire of the Holocaust Years"  Granted - Seph wasn't making any money from the lies, but to my eyes, it was just as bad (if not worse) because he was living a full and active life on LJ - making friends, commenting all over the place, getting confidences from people (yes, including me) under false pretences.

Luckily I learned my lesson from another person online, who turned out to be a fraud, and I left Seph a while ago, but my thoughts go out to people who are feeling very real hurt right now.

Comments

[schmoo999.livejournal.com]

I have so much I could say...but so not surprised. You know the huge wank I ended up because I was not "loyal" enough and was not willing to keep my mouth shut about "his" shit he would put people through.

But I have to say that as a result I have met you and some really wonderful kickass people that have been long time members of my flist and that is something good that came from my so called friendship with "Seph".

[erastes.livejournal.com]

That's very true. I met you and rosie red and many others through comments on his blog. I need to see the silver lining

*huggles*

[schmoo999.livejournal.com]

I have been thinking the last year or so that Seph might have been satinvalkyrie who always said she had huge mental issues..which I guess she does if this is her..and Hal fake too> the whole thing?

Wow. It boggles my mind since I am at heart a very honest person in my RL and on my LJ. That is me...all of it. But then I have never been shy about posting pics of me:)

[nagasvoice.livejournal.com]

It's a shame, wasting all that inventiveness on deceiving people.
If they wrote commercial fiction, they could get paid *and* get attention for it.
There, nobody cares much if you're under a male pseud as a woman.
It's not about whether they can be convincingly transgender in real life, since they never show themselves. One does wonder how much of it is actually letting the inner animus out to play freely.
But that doesn't explain the months of extended pursuit of people's trust, and then the big comic book "AHAHAH!" reveal.
And what provoked the reveal posting, anyway?
Isn't that similar to that earlier person, where they finally got pinned enough to have to admit it?
Is this perhaps the same person all over again??

[erastes.livejournal.com]

It does worry me that it might be the same person all over again. I can't remember the name of the person who duped me before, but they were already a member of hp_literotica - invented a male persona, got attention as such and then I invented them to be a member as that persona. Funny how one forgets the details!

It's the "making friends" thing that pisses me off. If you are Agatha Christie writing as her male writer persona, you aren't making friends in such an intimate way. It's just WRONG.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I think it must be Satin, sadly. I at least saw pictures of Satin - so I don't know... Yes, Hal was fake and the Hawaian boy, too. It's just bloody enormous. What an imagination.

[schmoo999.livejournal.com]

Wow...just reading the post again instead of skimming it. I am sure it is her. I know her kids are real..at least the kids she posted pics of herself with..and her husband.

This whole thing is just wow. That is the only word I can come up with to describe it.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Hello! It's nice to meet you. I love it when people delurk.

I chose a sexually ambiguous penname because I was told that "men wouldnt read gay romance/erotica by a woman" and I didn't know any different back then. I'm happy to find out that in general, that's wrong, and so I try and make it clear to people that I'm not a man.

This writer was mainly in Potter fandom but after gaining several hundred fangirls (and some boys) didn't bother with the writing, but lived through "his" LJ. I can't imagine the time and effort it must have taken. I've done RPG-ing from time to time and that was exhausting enough.

[tharain.livejournal.com]

*I* however, really am an almost fifty year old faggot in the bay area.

Not only that, I am an almost fifty year old faggot in the bay area WITH A DOG!!!!

=-D

I'll post pics soon.

And I recently ran into someone online who told me that a person I'd chatted with for several years, who sent me pics, with whom I spoke on the phone, was indeed a sock puppet, and wasn't real at all. I was pretty upset; I'd really liked Danny. I'm not sure I can say the same for Glenn.

I mean...how do I know Glenn's real?

[tharain.livejournal.com]

I always thought you were a guy. Remember? I HAD A CRUSH ON YOU!

=-D

[muroku.livejournal.com]

This is sick!

I think it is unethical to masquerade under a certain profile in a non RPG setting. This matter would be just as damaging if let's say an individual poses as an ethnicity/race which he or she does not belong to. Her solution to blame it on a mental condition may very well be another act. Lastly, to insult victims of this deceit by stating, "I might feel sorrier about this, but fandom is a fucked up group so excited at cock that they make idiots of themselves" is disgusting.

[jamie2109.livejournal.com]

I can think of a couple of people who will be completely shattered by this revelation. I only very briefly had anything to do with 'Seph' as he found me a song I was looking for and momentarily I was drawn into the circle, but he never struck me as real. And I remember being yelled at by friends for even suggesting he wasn't real. I really feel for those that have been taken in by all this and are hurt by it.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

That was the worst sentence, wasn't it? It really blew away the whole "i can haz psychoses, pity me" thing she was going for. She played with people's minds and laughed at them while she did it.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I agree with you - "he" made a real profession out of befriending people and drawing them in to his universe. I feel really fucking angry about it, even though it's about 2 years since I left his company.

[tharain.livejournal.com]

I've been startled by the number of sock puppets online; I really had no idea. If there were people with second identities, it was usually pretty clear that the thing was done tongue in cheek (I have one like that, actually). But people who actually lie about who they are?? I just don't get it.

And if I may be shamelessly shallow, your icon collection is, um, well, hot, in the nubile ripped young guy kinda way.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Yes, well. I am gorgeous.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Can I come out now and say I am grrm

No?

[tharain.livejournal.com]

I'm still totally hot to meet you, wenchlike woman. =-D

[erastes.livejournal.com]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You got the Schnauzer??????

[tharain.livejournal.com]

PLEASE DO NOT FUCK WITH MY HEAD.

I mean...well, if you aren't who I think you are...wtf?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

When you live somewhere with a loo... I'll be over.

[tharain.livejournal.com]

HE IS SNOOZING NEXT TO ME!

::does the happy dance::

[tharain.livejournal.com]

Then I'll just have to come to you, won't I!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I WISH I was!!!!

:)

Poor rwday - I told her for ages I was really that truck driver from Minsk.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Oh how lovely! Yes pics please!!! Chat tomorrow?