Dear author of The Boy I Fell In Love With.

[erastes]

-  - - -

Get a beta. Fast. I can’t think of anyone, except me, who will be tempted to read this, based on the level of errors in one single blurb. Graphic reference of sax eh? Hubba hubba.

Love and war are the mixture that bring two boys together. The threat of death make them realize they are in love. What is it about war that always destroys the hopes of lovers, what is it that draws us to that place where when we know that death is possible our last hope is to find Love? Will they be captured? Will they be shot? Will they tell each other that they are in love before being shot? This story is the telling of a war romance based on fact and turned fiction, this is the true story of many who might have fallen in love during war. Please be advised there are graphic reference of sax and drawing of nude men.

Comments

[angelabenedetti.livejournal.com]

Second job is to get someone else to write their promo blurbs for them, because even if you cleaned up the mechanics in that one, it's not very well done. That's a shame; if it's actually a good story under all the errors, it deserves to be presented well.

Angie

[paddynmoon.livejournal.com]

This one time, at band camp...

[erastes.livejournal.com]

AND i can't work out how to download it either! They couldn't make it harder for me to buy it! And the author doesn't even have a website.

[alex-beecroft.livejournal.com]

It reads as if English is not their native language, which is a full excuse for a few slip ups in fanfic, but not so much in stuff that you have to pay for.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Absolutely - and there's no excuse for it. They have a good few books on Kindle, but I can't work out how to download the damned things--so I'm not adding them to SIN's list.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

What happens at band camp, stays at band camp

[beckyblack]

Anyone else now anticipating those drawing will be of nude saxophonists?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

*snort* yes. and I want to spend my two quid and buy it but can't find a download button. stupid kindle

[zoepaleologa.livejournal.com]

there are graphic reference of sax

Free jazz quartets? Nakid?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

One can only hope!

[aishabintjamil.livejournal.com]

A major error or two in a blurb or a piece of on-line promo will totally turn me off. I know the blurb and/or the promo aren't the book, but I feel that if you couldn't take the trouble to proof-read and polish the sample you're present to try to get me in the door, how likely is that you were any more careful of your craft in the rest of the book? I suspect not very, and I move on.

[vashtan.livejournal.com]

Beg to differ - I know lots of natives that are functionally illiterate. (Hell I edited the "feature" of one of them yesterday, and I'm a non-native speaker)

[angelabenedetti.livejournal.com]

That's it, exactly. [nod] If the promo material is a mess, I'm not going to chance my money (or even just my time, if the piece is free) on the story itself. It's boggling how many writers (and publishers) don't get that.

Angie

[beckyblack]

I found it on the Kindle store via my phone. The word "With" on the cover is written as "WIth". Please god, let this be self-published.

I've done a spork of the blurb, as it's just asking for it, but I'm not posting it, it's too bitchy.

[beckyblack]

I've managed to download a sample. Let's just say, you're not missing anything.

[beckyblack]

And it doesn't have "drawings" of nude men, it has actual photographs - which I'll bet this author doesn't have the rights to use...

[alex-beecroft.livejournal.com]

I do too. I'm not trying to say that a native speaker can't be crap, or a non-native speaker can't be wonderful. (I've known too many German, Swiss and Italian writers who write better than I do in English to say something like that.)

Nevertheless, I think that this sounds like someone who is used to a language with a different grammatical structure from English. I am not using "not a native speaker" to mean "therefore bad." I'm using it to mean "therefore uses English in a way that hints of the structure of a different language underneath."

I don't know whether I'm right or not, but that's how it reads to me. As such - being a monoglot and in awe of the ability to write in a different language - I'd be willing to cut them more slack than I would someone whose writing read like it was in their first language but simply bad.

[markprobst.livejournal.com]

Even the title could use some work. My school teacher would have corrected it to say The Boy With Whom I Fell In Love.

Blurb with commentary

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Love and war are the mixture that bring two boys together.

There, fixed it for you.

The threat of death make them realize they are in love.

Yes, threat make caveboys know this.

What is it about war that always destroys the hopes of lovers,

Um...it doesn't always. Lots of couples meet, have sex, become permanent couples and/or marry because of war.

what is it that draws us to that place where when we know that death is possible our last hope is to find Love?

...'where when we know that death is possible our last hope is to find love'? This is reading more like Engrish than anything else.

Will they be captured?

Possibly.

Will they be shot?

Not fatally.

Will they tell each other that they are in love before being shot?

Well, DUH.

This story is the telling of a war romance

You've already said this. Several times, actually. Paging the Department of Redundancy Department...

based on fact and turned fiction, this is the true story

You just said that it's fictionalized, not fact. Even a roman a clef, which is a fictional version of a true story (Robert Penn Warren's All the King's Men springs to mind), changes some things. Ergo, this is not THE true story. It can't be, if some fiction is mixed in.

of many who might have fallen in love during war.

So you're saying that this could have happened to many lovers during wartime? Stories that could have happened, even may have happened to some people, do not magically become non-fiction if someone makes up such a story.

Please be advised there are graphic reference of sax and

Violins?

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

The publisher is Amazon Digital Services, so I'm going with "self-published without editing" for $1000.

[crawling-angel.livejournal.com]

Omg...not Kenny G in the buff? *runs away and hides behind sofa*

[mzcalypso.livejournal.com]

Don`t spend your two quid. If you encourage this sort of thing it only means there`ll be more of it!