Random ARRRRR!

[erastes]

moreteadk!! Look at what I found - The Pirate Captain's Livejournal!! Sadly abandoned in 2004, but he probably got too interested in Adventures to sit around and write his journal.

A snippet... The Pirate Captain on "how to adopt the perfect Pirate Stance."  I love the last one particularly. How many romance books have you seen with this pose?

1. Keep the feet apart to lend yourself a dramatic 'pirate of action' pose. I use a protractor to get my legs at exactly 55º - any less and I'd look like I was waiting for a bus, any more and I'd risk doing myself a mischief.

2. Push the crotch forward. Don't worry - this isn't a dirty thing. It helps prevent your belly from bulging out and gives your thighs a ready-to-spring look.

3. Put one hand on a hip. Be very careful here - there's a fine line between the carefree spirit of the High Seas and looking like camp hairdresser. Try balling your hip hand into a fist and saying things like: 'I'll tell you what, lads. I don't half fancy women, me.'

4. Put the other hand in a 'doing position'. Hold the ship's steering wheel, wave a cutlass or a ham, ruffling the hair on a smaller pirate's head - anything. Keep it busy, but don't fidget. I can't abide people who fidget.

5. Shoulders back, chest out. Hunchback pirates are notoriously rubbish at pirating, so make sure nobody mistakes you for one.

6. Jut chin and/or set jaw. Gritty determination is what you're after. I know what you're thinking "But Pirate Captain, haven't you got a luxuriant beard? How can they see your chin and/or jaw?" Look - who's the pirate captain here? That's right, it's me. So don't talk back, just do as I say. Get it? Good.

7. Keep your eyes narrowed. Stare into the middle distance to give the impression that you're always looking for something abstract and poetic over the next horizon. If the men ask you what you're looking at, say something enigmatic like "Truth, lads." or "Destiny, me beauties." Don't say "antique lace" or "a slide".

8. Get a lady to sit on the deck and hang off your leg sexily. This might be a bit chauvinist nowadays, but a few years back it was all the rage.

I've read of The Pirates! books now and I really can't recommend them highly enough. I've perverted converted moreteadk to them... Who's next?

The new origslash_news is out. If you aren't signed up for this, you should be.

Comments

[the-sea-to.livejournal.com]

You are a bad person *loves*

[erastes.livejournal.com]

DOORMICE!!! *Giggles madly*

[the-sea-to.livejournal.com]

I need to check by I am 99% sure it was a delicacy...

*onwards little erastes*

*leers*

[essayel.livejournal.com]

intended primarily for maritime historians and business leaders with an interest in inspirational management techniques.

*giggles* I've got those books on my wish list. Lovely stuff.

Also thanks for the link to origslash_news. It's always interesting to see what's going on.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

They are hugely silly, but a lot of fun. I wish I'd had the idea first, and I don't know why they aren't enormous sellers.

[angrboda]

OMG how awesome! I'll have to trawl through it later and look for any signs and hints of Black Bellamy being kind of hot. :p

*friends it just to have it handy*

[lg-larocque.livejournal.com]

That was simply priceless. I should be mindful to check this journal more often.

"push crotch forward"

Tremendously amusing on so many levels.

Thank you for sharing.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

:) The books are an utter delight, I love them to death.

I love the way he demands he's heterosexual and then says ruffling the hair on a smaller pirate's head

*giggles*

[gweneiriol.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the shoutout! :D