words that do not turn me on

[erastes]

As promised a list of words I've found in gay porn. I'm sure there are a tonne of others.



aching boner
Ass pucker
Ball-juice
boy cunt
boy pussy
boy-hole
Boyspunk
Channel
chute
Coarse curlies
Cock helmet
cock meat
Creamy mounds
Creamy spooge
Dickpole
Dickshaft
Donkeydong
Engorged stick
fat genitals
Fuck hole
Fuck tube
Fuck-meat
Grabby rectum
Gripping grotto
Hardened cylinder
His bloated meat spread my anal walls
Hot colon
humpy muscles
Impressive sword
Jism-shrapnel
Jizz
Knob-cosie
Lemon sized!!!! Jewels
Lovechute
Man-cum
Manhole
Man-spunk (I don't like to think of the alternatives)
Meat
Missle
Moist cradle of his anus
Pearly ball ballast
Pee-slit
Penga grande
Piss hole
Pulsing dick
Rigid velvet wang
Rippling chute
Shit hole
Shitter
Slick hot guts
Sloshy wet asshole
Spongy head
Spoogy hole
Sticky goo
Stinky-finger
Sturdy oak
Surging wang
Swollen pillar
Taut stilted tube
Thick shank
Throbbing pole
Violated manhole
Well oiled piston
Writhing porker

ETA: gehayi listed a load that she'd found in fanfic too.

Comments

[caputdraconis77.livejournal.com]

Gripping Grotto *omgdies*

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I know. Just.. words fail

[eledhwenlin]

WTF?

I think my favourite is: "His bloated meat spread my anal walls". Perhaps this one, too: "Moist cradle of his anus". But mostly - wtf were those people thinking?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Yes, real turn ons aren't they?

*gags*

[thistlerose.livejournal.com]

Ew ew ew ew!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I know! Yuk!

Kilty Icon I found, another one just up on the same thread.

[sesptwd.livejournal.com]

Moist cradle of his anus
oh lord
and
Stinky-finger
If that's not a back button word, I don't know what is.

The lot of them are just awful!!!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

and these are in PRINTED anthologies, by reputable publishers, like Alyson and StarBooks. I mean, DO men find them sexy? I can't believe it.

[rwday.livejournal.com]

*gags*

Pearly ball ballast sounds like something Jack would order thrown off the Black Pearl to lighten the load. Humpy muscles belong on Quasimodo.

I cannot believe people actually get off to this stuff. I feel ill.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

*giggling so hard*

YES! Mr Gibbs! We aren't making speed, they are catching up, dump the Pearly Ball Ballast!

[schmoo999.livejournal.com]

Grabby rectum
Gripping grotto

Uhhhhhh.....
Ok.

You should see the face I made at reading some of these......
oy!! But I think I will use the Johnny "Human Torch" Storm of the FF No Pants Icon....Just Cause.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

The icon is fascinating, what is it?

[sionnain.livejournal.com]

Writhing porker?

*dies*

My favorite was "Moist cradle of his anus".

EWWWWWWWWWWW.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

If I saw a cock writhing, I'd be SERIOUSLY worried.

Isn't that foul? How anyone can look at an arse and think that.

*shudder*

[rosie-red73.livejournal.com]

Oh god, I'm EATING! *vomits* And a banana at that! I can't believe people actually use those seriously!

My personal favourite is yoghurt slinger, though I've only ever seen it used in crackfic. Also, the use of the word 'turgid' should be avoided at ALL COSTS in my opinion.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

DId you make that icon just for the occasion?

Yoghurt slinger? ewwww!!!

And do you mind? Someone on that "critique" thread which went wanky on me called my stuff turgid. *so proud*

[bloodrebel333.livejournal.com]

His bloated meat spread my anal walls. Penga grande. *chuckles*

[erastes.livejournal.com]

horrid horrid horrid

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

heh, did you ever read amanuensis1's "Blood for a Parched Tongue," which was written on a CHALLENGE from makesmewannadie to use a list of about twenty porn words that she found unsexy? Each of the individual words is AWFUL, but I swear, the story melts your eyeballs off through the screen, and the only word that threw me for a moment was "piss-slit."

There's something about the filthy, awful words done in Snape's refined diction (most as internal monologue, some spoken to Black) that makes them sizzle. GUH.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

yes, now actually, filthy speak would work with these, but as a general description of what people are doing... no no no..

[iulia_linnea.livejournal.com]

Oh, ow. My head is spinning.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry!

[sasha-davidovna.livejournal.com]

Ewwwww.

I really don't understand men. Can these possibly turn them on? Egad. Of course, I've never understood how straight men can find the plastic, shaved, and air brushed inhabitants of Playboy attractive either. ~shudders~

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Even in wank fic I don't want to see half - or all - of these words. Just what's wrong with dick or cock?

[absinthe-lust.livejournal.com]

GRABBY RECTUM.

...

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I suppose it's TRUE, but still... *spork*

[busaikko]

Hee hee hee!

Some of these are... rather clever.

The only real problem is if the writing is supposed to be turning you on and not making you laugh yourself silly. Ooops!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Yes, I simply couldn't write that sort of thing without giggling

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

I cannot even come close to imagining anyone saying "Writhing porker" yes, that's the image I'm going for. Yup.

Christ on a stick, these are dreadful.

Taut stilted tube? Seriously, wtf?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

And the perfect icon! *giggles*

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

I consider myself a connoseur of profanity, and these made me blanche. Good lord, Erastes! Where did you find these?! and how may a now-terrified little bi girl like me go about not finding any like them ever again?

I mean, seriously. Writhing porker made me think of bacon.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I found them in an anthology of porn stories, edited by the God Father of gay porn, John Patrick. "Fresh & Frisky" its called.

*G*

[kethlenda.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. *bleaches brain*

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. Add it to the list of things not to do.

*G*

[l-prieto.livejournal.com]

Holy crap!

_Sloshy wet asshole_

*laugh*

Thank you for posting these :)

[erastes.livejournal.com]

Horrible isn't it?

xxx

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

Shit hole

Who the hell thinks it's erotic to be reminded that this is actually the hole shit comes out from??!

But the rest are all, erm... great, yeah, bwahahahaha!!

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I know. Its like... just... words fail.

I mean they don't reference women's bits to menstrual blood, do they? Or do they? *worries*

[semioticwarrior.livejournal.com]

Shitter.

SHITTER!

I ask you. HOW HOW HOW is that sexy?

[erastes.livejournal.com]

*hides from the nasty words*

They hurts, precious.

In straight porn

[cheshyre]

I found several references to "bubbies" as a synonym for breasts.

Bubbe is Yiddish for "grandmother" -- and I can barely imagine a less erotic or more lust-killing word than that.

Re: In straight porn

[erastes.livejournal.com]

that's horrible. Probably a warped version of our boobies, which, being a large gull, is hardly any more attractive.

[txilar.livejournal.com]

You could make a horrible game out of this.

I'll take writhing porker, spoogy hole, and pearly ball ballast. >_>

Jesus! It's sort of hard not to keep reading just to go 'ewwwww!'

[erastes.livejournal.com]

as rwday said to me, Pearly Ball Ballast reminds her of loads of sailors wanking over the edgeof the Black Pearl. Because, like, sperm is extraordinarily heavy.

*giggles*

[viverra-libro.livejournal.com]

but -- I *like* boy pussy! It's terribly horribly wrong, and I think that's part of its appeal. *hangs head in shame*

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I admit to being quite fond of that one myself. I may have do an icon.

*sniggles*

[gunderpants.livejournal.com]

Oh they're all so wonderful. I never knew gay men were so undiscerning with their porno talk. (Though admittedly I had heard "mancunt" before, and will forever hold it dear to my heart.)

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I just wish some man would comment and let me know if they really are turned on by this stuff. Sadly I don't think I brought many with me in the transition!

Mancunt. Just.... oxymoronic!

[shenya.livejournal.com]

*blink* *blink blink*

You know... I'm suddenly feeling much better about my smut scenes *relieved smile*

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I don't blame you. Make a list of words NEVER to use!!!