My thoughts on the Half Blood Prince film

[erastes]

1. Oh Dumbledore – you've been DYING to put your arm round Harry like that, haven't you? He's legal now, after all.
2. *blech* Dumbledore puts his arm around Harry, and it's SUPER SUPER SUPER Pedaeristic and creepy in slo-mo and close up on his hand. EWWW! BAD JKR for creating not one but three creepy pederasts in one book.
3. The dark mark is exactly like the Sand Mummy in the The Mummy
4. If wizards could really fly like this, the bad guys would have won years back.
5. Apparently flying wizards need no magic to enter Diagon Alley, which seems rather stupid. If they could have entered like this – there's no way that the Government would have considered it a safe place to put Harry in earlier books.
6. Fenrir is a hot hairy Sean Bean. I KNEW IT
7. Why would it be so bloody terrifying to fall in the Thames? The river police can be there in minutes -–and this is July. It's always July. OK –it's cold, but if salmon can exist, so you can you stupid muggles, suck it up. The book bridge was a high rail one wasn't it? No getting out alive there.
8. No Muggles fell in anyway. Bah.
9. Ok – Death eaters can not only fly but can fly INVISIBLY.
10. .Wizard cafes on underground stations – since when?
11. Yay! Lucius makes the newspaper!
12. Yeah, right. Way out of your league, you tosser. (Wondering: do the Americans KNOW what "tosser" means?)
13. Harry's on drugs for the pain! Hurrah – that will stop him whining about it at least. Oh no, he's testing his breath and takes mints. Oh come on, Harry, do you really think you have a chance with HER? She's got DEATH EATER CRUMPET written all over her. And what are you doing in the underground anyway?
14. And why are you not caring about Sirius. Granted you only bothered for 2 weeks in the books, but one frame wouldn't kill you.
15. Oh DEAR LORD – did no-one notice the advert behind DD's first appearance? I think I love this director. *GUFFAWS * "Magic, your man defines magic." And then BOTH of them go and look at a similar poster which says: "Tonight make a little magic with your man!!!"
16. Awww – the boyfriends reunite – it's so…. Coded!!!
17. *pauses to stop laughing *
18. "Take my arm," says DD (well he would, wouldn't he?) and Harry at least has the decency to look around at what he hoped would be his hook up. Coded.
19. Seven minutes and 24 seconds into the film and not one second of canon. I'm not complaining mind you.
20. Apparently according to DD most people vomit the first time. Well, if they were doing it with him, I'm not surprised.
21. "I assume you are wondering why I've brought you here, am I right?" AND YOU WERE WRONG OF COURSE, you hideous pompous ass.
22. "Wands on?" What the hell?
23. Ewwwwwwwwwwww – Dumbledore licks Harry's forehead and tastes it!! Could we be any more obvious? Wasn't the book enough?
24. Did Harry really say "One of my best friends is Muggle born"? probably. Luckily I can't remember, unluckily for me, I'll be forced to check now. How PC of you, Harry.
25. Hahahahah! Dumbledore comes back from the loo with a magazine! Of course he does. Knitting patterns – is no-one seeing the code here? Surely its not just me who's researched gay codes? Knitting circle? Anyone? Beuller?
26. "You are talented famous and powerful". Really? One out of three ain't bad.
27. What? No DD and Harry sitting in a closet scene? Would that have been TOO OBVIOUS??
28. When did The Hotel Inspector/The House Doctor come and do up the Weasley's house?
29. Mrs Weasley. "Harry who?" oh puhleeze. I've lost count, after about one minute of canon we are now back in la la land.
30. Skinny Snape – hurrah! I was so hoping after seeing Rickman in Sweeney Todd. And if he had a bit of help with the airbrush, that's ok too. Narcissa is good.
31. What? Fenrir is with Draco in Diagon Alley – and there's no detail as to what he says in the shop? How stupid is that?
32. What the hell has harry got in his hand on the train?
33. Ok – it's fog. Obviously that's because Harry doesn't have an invisibility cloak. Right.
34. Not a fault with the film, obviously, but why didn't Draco kill Harry on the train? Sod killing DD – and sod "he is mine" crap – a quick sharp wand to the heart…
35. Luna? Omg. With super powers – who can see under THE SUPER INVISIBILTY CLOAK.
36. At this point I'm thinking "the author doesn't care, the director is having too much fun,…"
37. Ron: He's covered with blood. Looks like his own." – Thank you CSI Weasley
38. I thought this was stupid in the book, but in the film it's even more idiotic. After young Riddle tells DD that he can "hurt people" DD says "I'm like you, Tom" and set fire to the wardrobe. Who put that man in charge of children?
39. "Did I know I'd just met the most dangerous dark wizard of all time? No." HOW THICK ARE YOU? Don't answer that.
40. "You said Slughorn would try and collect me." "I did." "Do you want me to let him?" "Yes." ER EXCUSE ME, am I the only one seeing the hideous pervy vibe here? I like slash, but I really don't like this, it's worse here than in the book!
41. Don't like to be picky (Ok that's not true) but the wind is blowing from opposite directions in thequidditch scene
42. I want that opal necklace more than ever. I so adore opals.
43. Hermoine's attack canaries! YES!
44. My love for Luna knows no bounds.
45. Why is Draco allowed to dress like Gucci Hamlet?
46. Very disappointed we didn't get to meet the vampire at Sluggy's party. Cormac being sick over Severus obviously far funnier. Not.
47. What the hell is this? Bella attacks the Weasley house? Oh ok – it has Fenrir in it. I'm not complaining.
48. The Weasley's house? WTF?
49. Yanno I had almost forgotten how vile the Trio are in this.
50. What is this piffle about Ginny and the book and the room of requirement? God this film is bloody boring. The only good bits are the bits that didn't exist in canon. AND WHERE THE HELL IS TRELAWNEY?
51. Vastly disappointed with the appearance of Felix
52. OK – Lily gave slughorn her flower. Am I the only one really revolted by this?
53. Hugely impressed with the entrance to the cave, though. Vastly less pedestrian than just scrambling over rocks. One might wonder how the kids got there, though. Oh silly me, mixing canons. Wait? There's Canon?
54. God DD is a git. I'm so glad he's dead.
55. The whole water thing is so stupid. Said it before, say it again. The Aguamenti spell can cause water to come out of the end of his wand. Why doesn't he do that. Oh yes, because he's STUPID. That's why he tries to kill the zombies. *headdesk *
56. And there it is, the most important Expelliamus in the entire series, and we all missed its significance. Heh. Probably because, like me right now, we were bored rigid. How could they let the DE's taking over the castle be DULL? What happened to the Dark Mark over the castle and Harry being heroic, the passive little git gets little enough opportunity for DOING rather than listening or observing.
57. Could we make the scene between Harry and Severus more anticlimatic?
58. Where's the battle?? Did they run out of money? WHAT THE HELL DID DRACO JUST SPEND THE ENTIRE FILM GETTING THE DEATH EATERS INTO HOGWARTS FOR, only to have them break some plates? It's the Big Fat Hogwarts Battle! Plate breaking!
59. His boyfriend's dead. Oh waily waily.
60. Oh dear. I'm sorry, but the whole "lifting of the wands thing" just made me fall off my chair laughing. It's all so very rock concert. Much cheaper to have 100 little bulbs in wands than to have a funeral, eh?
61. "which means it was all a waste, all of it," says Harry.

You never said a truer word, Mr Potter. A complete waste of 2 hours 24 mins.

No, I didn't like it. Could you tell? OK. I liked Gucci Hamlet and slim!Snape and the some of the bits the director made up. and the necklace. All opals gratefully received.

Comments

[hybridartifacts.livejournal.com]

Neville and Luna always worked for me, and I agree Remus started well but seemed to loose his appeal toward the end somehow. Tonks just never seemed to quite make it for me, though I always felt she should have done.